The prisoners working out of a St. Albans, Vt. shop that produces car decals and license plates successfully sneaked a small outline of a pig onto the official crest that adorns every trooper car in the state. The heifer now has a pig as a spot.

The Super Bowl is a mere three days away, which brings us to that painful part of the promotion week where every single person who has even a remote involvement in The Big Game is granted a formulaic press conference. (Sample questions: "Excited about The Big Game?" "Who are you rooting for in The Big Game?" "Is this Big Game bigger than last year's Big Game?")

Last Friday, we published an email from a Starbucks employee we referred to as "Barista X." She had reached out to Gawker to complain about some of the new break room policies at her franchise. We pissed all over her little rant, as did some of you noisy bastard commenters. (Some noisy bastard commenters supported her cause, too.) But Barista X, Katie Pengra, has decided to pen a follow-up for us. To Gawker. To Gawker commenters. To America. We thank her for her contribution.

David Letterman celebrates 30 years in late-night television tonight. Chances are, though, that you aren't gonna be watching the anniversary episode—especially if you're under the age of 50. It's been a long, long time since David Letterman mattered all that much.

The long, proud tradition of aging rock stars suing republican candidates for using their songs on the trail continued today. Frank Sullivan, Survivor's only true survivor and co-author of the song "Eye of the Tiger," filed a lawsuit against Newt Gingrich, who has taken to entering political rallies while the Rocky theme blasts on the PA system.

Seventy-six teenagers had their dreams realized last week when Vassar—a "highly selective, coeducational, independent, residential, liberal arts college founded in 1861," if you didn't know—informed them that they'd been accepted to the class of 2016.

News anchor Annie Stensrud of KEYC-TV Mankato, Minn., had some trouble getting through her broadcast on Sunday. Like, could-barely-get-through-a-sentence, slurring-every-third-word trouble. I figured she was drunk, until someone reminded me that most Minnesotans talk funny and have difficulty forming simple thoughts, and that Stensrud's inner Lena was coming out. The most likely scenario, to be honest, is that she's both drunk and Minnesotan, which is a fairly common state of affairs in Minnesota. [via HuffPo]

Get this: Fox News is—gasp!—not all that informative, according to Fairleigh Dickinson University's latest PublicMind poll.

In this clip, a woman who appears to be an actual news reporter wanders around the Occupy Eureka (California) campsite asking random protesters if they "pooped and peed" on a local bank. Together the reporter and the protesters say the words "poop" and "pee" about 12,000 times—and all for naught, because we never actually find out who pooped and peed on the bank.

While Australian TV news journalist Alison Ariotti reports from "the frontlines" of Perth or whatever, a black car rams right into the back of a red car and ha, the person who owns the red car will probably be surprised when they watch the news, eh? Focused Alison doesn't let the crash interrupt her reporting in any discernible way—she just keeps on talking about "the impressive crowds" of English people who are doing something somewhere that maybe involves tombstones. "Curiosity made me want to turn around but professionalism told me to just keep talking," she says. [YouTube]

Considering that Grand Rapids, Michigan is one of America's hotspots for slick production values, we're somewhat surprised by the poor panning work displayed in this Fox 17 Morning News excerpt. Hey Camera Person, you're supposed to train the camera on the lady who's talking about the gas lines or whatever, not the two anchors who are just sitting there in silence, clutching their mugs full of vodka Nescafe. For our amusement, anchorman Mike Avery responds to the mishap by making a bunch of exaggerated facial expressions that are not only fun to imitate but possibly indicative of a past career in silent movie acting.

For the 10th anniversary of September 11th, the Internet Archive has relaunched its collection of 3,000 videos from 20 international news stations that broadcasted 24/7 during the week of 9/11. (It was first launched back in October 2011.) A lighthearted way to spend the weekend. [via BoingBoing]

While CNN reporter Kareen Wynter valiantly tried to provide significant details about the Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries nuptials to the American people, some kid—some punk—mocked the seriousness of this most historic matrimonial event and related gown news.

After a drive-by shooting involving two teens, Chicago CBS affiliate WBBM interviewed a few preschool-aged criminologists who happened to witness the incident—including a four-year-old boy who had some pretty "scary" things to say completely misrepresent!

Sure, you could see this video as a hilarious blooper and warning against live local news teasers involving advanced technology. Or you could see it as a beautiful lesson of failure and redemption, made literal in the person of the stocky wet guy rising from the sea powered only by his jet... pack... thing. [via The Hairpin]

You know those days where nothing seems to go right? And nothing you do seems to fix the problem? BBC Scotland is having one of those days, poor thing. It's okay, guys! No one knows what Rudolph Hess looks like, anyway. And who cares about the weather forecast? It's Scotland! The forecast is: Cloudy! With a chance of fried stuff!

Spittling conspiracy theorist potato Glenn Beck will perform his last Fox News gonzo rainmaker act on Thursday, June 30th. Well, that's at least the supposed end date for his current show.

Whenever you see a photograph of the president making a major address from inside the White House, it's really a picture of him saying "peas and carrots, peas and carrots" after the speech while photographers get their shots. Not anymore, though! For some reason, the White House has decided to stop participating in that particular form of fake-news manufacturing. It will continue to fake other news events, though. [AP, photo via Getty]

Al Qaida has released a statement with some shocking news: Its leader, Osama bin Laden, has been killed in some sort of operation. Details are sketchy, but the terror network confirmed that Americans' "happiness will turn to sadness [and] their blood will be mingled with their tears."

On tonight's Factor, brand new birther Donald Trump chatted with Bill O'Reilly about Iraq, Iran, Libya, and that dirty socialist Barack Obama. Trump's solution for the Middle East? 1) Stay there, 2) hoard the oil, 3) ???????, 4) profit!