Celebrities: they're in ads! That's because celebrities tend to sell stuff to people, according to the New York Times, which broke this story wide open with an epic piece in yesterday's paper. There are three clear points that you, the educated consumer, must understand: Companies are run by starry-eyed celebrity hound white guys who will pay any price to hang out with a cool rapper or have their umbrella endorsed by Rihanna; many celebrities are themselves sheep, convinced that their endorsement deal is a meaningful attempt by a corporation to plumb the depths of their soul (it's really not! surprisingly); and finally, all of this is the fault of dirty gossip websites just like this one!

"Orlando is a proving ground for Sam Zell's effort to reinvent
floundering Tribune Co., owner of a string of television stations and
newspapers, including the Sentinel, the Chicago Tribune and
the Los Angeles Times." [WSJ]

Hey everyone it's the happiest goddamn day of the year! You probably read as much in your local paper? According to a scientist—a scientist!—June 20 is the happiest day of 2008. He uses a mathematical formula to prove it! With science! Look, here is the equation: O + (N x S) + Cpm/T + He. The scientician who developed this formula is named Cliff Arnall. If that name is familiar, it may be because you read him calling January 22 the saddest day of the year. In 2007. And 2006, and 2005. The story runs, twice a year, like clockwork, in newspapers across the US and the UK. All because a quack psychologist is more than happy to sign a check from some corporation and then attach his name to a press release. It's the happiest day of the year for newspaper editors desperate to fill a news hole on a summer Friday! [Mind Hacks]

The Wall Street Journal has a piece today in which it attempts to scientifically determine the best overall male athlete in the world, by submitting a long list of famous athletes to a panel of exercise physiologists who rank them on this and that. This is the newspaper equivalent of Rolling Stone's "100 greatest albums" list—pointless, and meant to generate argument. But they do settle the issue of who is not the world's greatest male athlete: WSJ reporter Reed Albergotti, who goes up against a top decathlete to prove that reporters are, as suspected, goofy, unathletic white guys. God, what a 'Nilla. Video of Albergotti's good-natured crusade of unathleticism is below.

More moves at the top at the Wall Street Journal. In two memos to the staff, editor Robert Thomson announces that Deputy Managing Editor Laurie Hays is leaving the paper. He then announces the creation of a "central news desk" helmed by three new Deputy Managing Editors: Matt Murray, Mike Williams, and Nikhil Deogun. In a face-saving move, ethics editor Alix Freedman "will have expanded authority as a defender of the paper's ethical and journalistic standards," rather than being axed. Left up the air: the future of DC bureau chief John Bussey, who had been rumored to under consideration for a promotion. Full memos after the jump.

Sports reporters are making bank. Some of them, at least. While foolish idealistic journalists shell out cash to go to J-school and get petty jobs reporting on corporations or wars or political campaigns, a handful of lucky guys sit around spouting completely unverifiable opinions on ballgames and burning $100 bills to fuel their tailgating barbecues. A few of these people-who do nothing that an average American male does not do every weekend, for free (yap about sports)-are making millions. Millions, we say! The Big Lead has a list of the (estimated) top earners in sports journalism, which we have assembled into a handy chart, after the jump. Contemplate the fact that the 15 highest-paid reporters average close to $1 million per year; then go read Deadspin to find out how many of these guys are pricks.

Intimate look at the New York Times alert! The paper has launched a social networking feature called "TimesPeople," which is a little like Facebook for Times employees (and the public!). But without any of Facebook's drunk pictures or other interesting features. Pictured, what editor Bill Keller is up to: not a damn thing. The only useful aspect of TimesPeople is that newsroom brown-nosers can track the Times in-crowd by keeping tabs on Keller's list of friends. He only has seven now, but one of them is Batman:

Is it a mark of progress that our national ads can now feature characters that are far more foul-mouthed and offensive to white bread America than in times past? I'm inclined to say yes. The Times considers the rise of Family Guy characters as beloved ad icons, even for wholesome brands like Coke and Subway. But hey, sometimes they say things on that show that are funny! Times are changing, you see, and these cartoon characters are just acceptable enough to squeeze into the mainstream under the rubric of "edgy." Since this is a hugely popular TV show on the Fox Network that is just the next in a long line of "edgy" cultural moments, you could correctly call this an antiquated discussion (even for the olds). The real question is: will Americans stand for a fat, ignorant cartoon father telling them how to eat their meat?

Media and entertainment companies such as Sam Zell's Tribune Company accounted for an astonishing 44% of US distressed debt, according to credit rating agency S&P. It's bad.

Gerry Marzorati, editor of the New York Times Magazine, was recently spotted on a plane headed to Milan for a T magazine party, swearing under his breath as if he had Tourette's Syndrome. It's understandable-he's been working too hard. The man has his own magazine to worry about, and here he is trekking across the globe to celebrate the new magazines his paper keeps adding, like the the fashion-centric T. That's because print, despite being on the way out, still has its bright spots. Chief among them for the miserable newspaper industry: Sunday magazines.

Proving once again that the US Military makes strategic decisions based on the rantings of the lunatic fringe, our post last week about the Marine Corps' "We teach black people to swim" ad prompted an article about the "controversy" in the Marine Corps Times, and a healthy discussion on the paper's online discussion boards. Sentiment among the ex-military commenters there is currently running 30-0 against the ad having a racial component. "In my life time, I've learned through life experiences, in order for a person(s) to make a comment such as this. That they are racial in one way or another," says one. He's right, you know. (UPDATE: Former gay porn star/ Marine and current conservative blogger Matt Sanchez adds: "Smearing the military is never a big enough issue for the Gawker, it's a reflex. Maybe if they "subtly" stereotyped gay males as promiscuous this issue would have warranted greater indignation.") [MCT. Watch the ad here.]

Is the entire staff of the Village Voice preparing to jump off a cliff together? The NY Press reports that the once-mighty downtown alt-weekly, which has seen its editorial and business-side staff hacked to pieces since it was bought by New Times two years ago, is on the verge of a walkout over contract issues. Voice stalwart Tom Robbins says if the union there doesn't get what it wants, "all bets are off." The problem here: this paper is in dire economic straits and would surely welcome a good excuse to lay off its entire staff and start over with an all-24-year-old writing staff, at $30,000 apiece. Strikes at shaky print outlets have become totally counterproductive. New Times boss Mike Lacey is probably rubbing his hands in glee at the prospect. But hey, we hope we're wrong! (UPDATE: We're told a strike is set for July 1 if a suitable contract isn't in place). [NY Press]

In a lengthy and kind of pointless story about ur-media gossip blogger Jim Romenesko, former New York Times editor Howell Raines basically blames the mild-mannered media reporter for the death of newspapers, sort of. Raines thinks Romenesko's nasty habit of reporting lay-offs, buy-outs, and paper closings makes everyone in the media feel so bad that they think print is dying and then it dies. Then "a young New York-based reporter at a major newspaper" says: "'I think Romenesko is what Gawker would look like if it had morals.'" We humbly disagree, young anonymous reporter. Jim (god bless him), with his endless stream of damning links presented with minimal commentary, is the amoral one. We pass moral judgment on all of you! (Also, though it is hard to remember now, there was a time when Jim Romenesko Was Not A Blogger.) [Portfolio]

Come for the Secret Diary Of A Call Girl review, stay for the copy-editing questions. (She found the show surprisingly boring and, yes, a subhead would work in both places.) [Los Angeles Times]

We told you earlier about British journalist and travel writer Jan Morris, who recently re-married her partner of almost sixty years. Before her sex change, Jan used to be James Morris—the first person to report the conquest of Mount Everest is 1953. James Morris was a very well-known reporter, and Bookslut brought to our attention this recent anecdote: years later, when Morris met the Queen of England as a woman, the Queen got very confused:

There was much consternation in the media world earlier this week when it emerged that Tribune's Los Angeles Times would take its Sunday magazine out of the hands of trained journalists and hand control over to the newspaper's sales staff. Editor Russ Stanton even insisted that the magazine's name be changed so readers didn't get the idea that it still had, you know, integrity. But journalists are as much to blame as the business side for the fact that their work increasingly sounds like catalog copy. Here's ink-stained wretch Rob Walker in his most recent "Consumed" column for New York Times Magazine:

All these people who accidentally destroyed the newspaper industry feel so bad about it! Craig Newmark, whose Craigslist decimated the classifieds sections of the nation, endowed some chair at Berkeley's journalism school to assuage his guilty conscience. Now Google, whose ad company is destroying the revenue model newspapers depend on, is hopping on the "we totally love journalism" bandwagon. Google head Eric Schmidt claimed that their DoubleClick ad service will aid newspapers! In getting more online revenue, obv, not with the whole "saving newspapers themselves" thing. "It's a huge moral imperative to help here," Eric said. Too little, too late, Google! ONCE A WHORE, ALWAYS A WHORE.

Because the music industry is an even worse place to invest your money than the newspaper industry at the moment, everyone is looking for the next big thing. The closest they've come is "360 deals," where artists get a huge check in return for a big cut of all their different revenue streams. First, Madonna signed a contract like this with Live Nation for $120 million. Then Jay-Z signed a contract with Live Nation for $150 million. Live Nation wants to sign 15 more artists to contracts like this. Then everybody else in music can quietly retire. Hope you like the Jonas Brothers a lot!

Ramiro Burr, a longtime music writer and columnist at the San Antonio Express-News, has resigned from the paper in the face of "allegations that he hired a ghost writer to produce more than 100 stories and columns since 2001." Wow. Didn't it used to be that only journalism's upper crust muckety-mucks hired ghost writers for their columns, like when Mort Zuckerman got Harry "Mr. Tina Brown" Evans to work on his columns in US News & World Report? That sort of thing is expected amongst the elites. But the Latin music critic in San Antonio? Where's the amusing elitism in that? The ghost writer came forward only looking for bylines, and gave a binder full of proof of how he would crank out columns and then pass them on to Burr. And Burr's half-ass non-denial on his own blog makes him sound pretty guilty:

Frank Bruni is pissed! The New York Times' omnipotent restaurant critic (pictured) today reviews a new Tribeca restaurant named Ago, which is owned in part by actor Robert De Niro. And Bruni's experience there is proof for the entire restaurant business that no matter how popular, expensive, or exclusive your place is, it is still quite possible to receive a terrible review if you act like an idiot. Please: Learn some lessons from Ago's fiasco. Here is what not to do when your restaurant is being reviewed: