While we generally only dedicate the resources of the Defamer Photo Enhancement Lab to matters involving the involuntary baring of an actress's mammaries, when circumstances demand it, we've been known to break down our sexist double standard and illustrate bizarre or unexpected configurations of the male anatomy. We very briefly turn our attention to x17's photographs to a distressingly perky-nippled Tom Cruise, whose dangerously erect man-buttons threaten to shred the fabric of his turtleneck—even when the actor's posture should have produced enough slack to conceal them (see insert)—as he takes in his daughter's soccer game in Malibu. We'll have to examine further examples of this strange phenomenon before we can reach any conclusions about possible pectoral implants (or, God help us all, a set of permanently rigid, aftermarket areolas) but for the time being, we remain open to the possibility that his physique may have been cosmetically enhanced.

Once again, technology has defeated an actress's principled commitment to never-nude virtue, as the combination of an HDTV broadcast and a blogger's pause button seems to have revealed a flash of nipple in Natalie Portman's portrayal of a resolutely clothed stripper in Closer. Those of you who'd like to honor Portman's wishes to leave her goodies unogled (at least until a role more nudity-appropriate than that of a conspicuously modest exotic dancer presents itself) should ignore this post and open a spreadsheet until new content appears, while the sickies who find that even the blurriest hint of an unintentionally bared areola inspires a bout of Pavlovian tumescence can move on to the NSFW version of the image after the jump, or to the full gallery at Egotastic.

When Kate Bosworth, star of Superman Returns and glamorous thinspiration to millions of fanorexics worldwide, was snapped at a recent New York Fashion Week appearance, not only was one of her succulent convexities visible (follow the arrow, or for the fully uncensored, NSFW experience, go here), so was a toned, sexy six-pack of xiphisternum protrusions. It's enough to make you pity the eavesdropping male nearby, using every probably-gay-bone in his body to keep his view trained on her dazzling, two-tone eyes instead of traveling just twenty degrees south to the smorgasbord of spare goodies on glorious display.

Today's somewhat synchronicitous appearance of both Kate Bosworth nipple-slip (link NSFW) and Lindsay Lohan side-boob photos offers a great time to note where two of Hollywood's hottest young actresses currently fall on the Eating Disorder/Plastic Surgery Axis. While Lohan's signature curves continue an inspiring, if suspicious, rebound after a disputed dalliance with "bulimia" (maybe she's retaining the massive quantities of bottled water she's consuming in the right places?), Bosworth still seems to be travelling further into the direction of Pompeoesque, devastating thinness, indicating her possible adoption of the Big Fat Plate of Nothing Diet. Maybe Bosworth can take some inspiration from the healthy, clean-living Lohan and try to regain her more shapely Blue Crush figure before her body devours her areolas for sustenance, making further nipple-slip photos a much more disturbing affair.

Jessica Alba should be proud. Her fierce protection of her image and stubborn refusal to give into the flesh-baring pressures that eventually consume nearly all B-list actresses has created a demand for a prurient glimpse of her naughty parts so intense that the online world is reflexively salivating over a glimpse of something, anything possibly visible through the tumescence-dampening protection of a fleetingly revealed bra. If Alba doesn't find that inevitable tasteful nudie vehicle soon (we're still partial to something with flight attendants or police cadets, or preferably both), we think the internets may completely implode from frustration.

The above photo of Lindsay Lohan at last night's General Motors celebrity fashion show (yes, really) will likely spread on the internets faster than a love bug on VD Night at Mood, so prepare your inboxes for a barrage of links promising a glimpse of the starlet's goodies. But after the Pavlovian drooling response induced by a famous nipple escaping its couture jail subsides, let's all ask ourselves a question: "Now why would a nice girl like Lindsay allow herself to be photographed from an angle likely to result in a too-revealing view of her breast?" The more charitable among us might decide that the chaos caused by the flashbulb firing squad made Lohan forget how loose her garment was on the right side. The rest of us, however, might be inclined to think that she decided that it was finally time to show the world that she's gotten her "curves" back. We'll leave it to you to decide how surgically adept her "dietician" and "trainer" might be.

It took us almost two days, but we've finally found something from the Grammys more unsettling than a possibly senile Paul McCartney (he's got to be, right?) being tricked into performing with Linkin Park—namely, this photo of burgeoning hip-hop superstar K-Fed and kiddie car-seat eschewing scofflaw Britney Spears. We're sure it's just a trick of perspective, but we could swear that Federline isn't flashing a peace sign, but actually using those two fingers to slide his meal ticket's dress down just enough to create some cocktail dress/areola separation. ("Hey baby, look what I just done! PopoZao, little nipple motherfucker!") If you're frustrated by the censored version above, clicking the image will produce a more revealing, NSFW version that will undoubtedly brighten your Friday afternoon.

To paraphrase the great Michael Corleone, we try to get out, but they keep slipping us back in. Egotastic's uncovered a fresh Lindsay Lohan nipple-slip, a now-rare occurrence that once seemed like a weekly event. [Ed.note—Good times, good times.] In our continuing mission of service to you, the breakaway areola-craving reader, we've subtly labeled the spot of the infraction; however, we realize that this image might not be appropriate for our pre-teen readers, so we've demurely covered up the area with a tiny picture of Lohan's long-retired cleavage. Clicking the picture will take you to the potentially NSFW photo, sickies.