Charlie Crist is going to be your next closeted gay Republican Senator from Florida! Thanks to the liberal media! Adam Lambert should probably look into politics.

In your inhumane Friday media column: Layoffs at NPR, another freakin' Dubya('s dad) book, newspapers burn as usual, New York mag has ad trouble, and Sean Hannity's waterboarding money appears!

• Arthur Sulzberger Jr. says he has no plans to take the New York Times Co. private, despite "brutal conditions" that threaten his paper's survival. [NYT]
• Meanwhile, Moody's has downgraded the NYT Co.'s credit rating. [E&P]
• A few theories on why Peter Kaplan departed Jared Kushner's Observer, and what's in store for Kaplan—and the paper—in the future. [WWD]
• Former Facebook exec Owen Van Natta is the new CEO of MySpace. [WSJ]
• Is GE looking to sell NBC Universal to Time Warner? It's possible! [TDB]
• Ambushing the ambusher: Staking out the home of Jesse Watters, the Fox News producer who stalks liberals for Bill O'Reilly. [Gawker]

Air America is facing financial problems, again, and might ask for donations. But National Public Radio totally has a patent on charging liberals for free stuff!

NPR's Tell Me More devoted a panel to the fact that Fox News created, sponsored, hyped, and otherwise bears complete and total responsibility for the tea parties. And Fox wouldn't come on the show!

In your swashbuckling Wednesday media column: XXL-Giant feud update, NPR infighting, nobody's scared of ASME, the Boston Globe is mad, son, and dead goats save newspapers:

• To celebrate 1,000 episodes (and 35,892 sound effects), CNBC's resident buffoon, Jim Cramer, rang the opening bell of the NYSE today. [CNBC]
• Sales of romance novels are on the rise, since in times like these, we all just want to indulge in happy endings. Or something along those lines. [NYT]
• Why is the New York Times Co. frantically looking to cut costs at the Boston Globe? For one thing, it's on track to lose $85 million in 2009. [NYO, Portfolio]
• It's hard getting people to pay for newspaper content they now get for free. Let Coke guide you, Arthur Sulzberger Jr.: "Coca-Cola took tap water, filtered it and called it Dasani, and makes millions of dollars a year." [NYT]
• Magazines are blurring the line between editorial and advertising by putting ads on the cover. If they don't, they go bust. Rock, meet hard place. [NYT]

In your sunny Friday media column: Dan Peres has balls, high school reporters have dreams, Arthur Sulzberger has an honest moment, and the media at large has nothing to look forward to:

In your blustery Wednesday media column: the newspaper industry burns, News Corp can't handle hardcore music, NPR needs more black people, and the NYT sells a jet:

Last month, the Justice Department charged former NPR correspondent and editor David Malakoff with possessing child porn. Now Malakoff has admitted it. The details are shocking primarily for their stupidity:

In your muddy Thursday media column: the grownup version of 'Jocks vs. School Newspaper Nerds,' a blogger passes away, everything is too sexy, and rumors of magazine troubles:

It was bad enough when a Fox News producer was fired for possessing child pornography. But now a former NPR correspondent has been charged in a child porn case. The problem is media-wide!

In your gale-force Thursday media column: Juan Williams is controversial, more magazines die, Wonkette launches a spinoff, and teen sex remains incredibly popular:

In your Thursday media column: Foreign correspondents are anachronized, jobs are vaporized, and the Obamanaguration will not be televised. (Yes it will):

• Newsweek is planning to cut staff as well as give the mag a makeover. [WSJ]
• NPR is cutting 7 percent of its staff and dropping two shows. [NYT]
• Ad spending fell 2 percent during the third quarter, although online advertising continued to grow. [Adage]
• Les Moonves isn't too worried about Jay Leno's move to primetime. [NYP]
• Rumor has it Entertainment Weekly may go web-only. [Gawker]
• Reed Elsevier, which has been trying to sell trade titles like Variety and Publishers Weekly, is pulling them off the market. [NYP]
• Golden Globe nominations were announced this morning. [HFPA]

A source has given us the names of some of the high-profile employees who are (alleged) victims of today's layoffs at NPR. If true, it's apparent that NPR definitely wasn't sparing anyone just because they had longevity. The names—including two former hosts of All Things Considered—and the company's internal memo to employees, below [UPDATED below]:

Five years ago, National Public Radio got a donation of more than $200 million from McDonald's fortune widow Joan Kroc. So you'd think they'd be set for a while, money-wise. But the economy sucks and it's a safe bet that individual donations to public radio are plummeting. We heard rumors of layoffs this morning, and now it appears that they're true [UPDATE: it's official], and at least two shows are dying:

A tipster tells us that National Public Radio "just began first wave of layoffs and show cancellations this morning." Really? If you know more, email us.

Hah, adorable Congressman Barney Frank was on NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me. They quizzed him on Bill O'Reilly's amazingly titled new memoir, A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity. If you like being a smug liberal, you'll love this link to a public radio broadcast. [NPR]

Vivian Schiller, the General Manager of NYTimes.com, is leaving the Times to become the president and CEO of NPR. National Public Radio, people! This is a huge announcement for lovers of the liberal media. Schiller has overseen lots of evolution at the paper's website—including the rollout of comments—which is the single best thing the Times has going for it. She became famous for her weekly memos and her devotion to slideshows. The Times had better choose her replacement very carefully. Her going-away email to the staff is after the jump: