Finally, W has released the photo essay that documents the exact moments that Madonna met/fell for/sucked the soul out of 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus Luz. So, what have we learned?

["Wrestler" star Mickey Rourke gets treated like it's the 80's all over again as a French fan flashes her cans at him. This is the before. NSFW after pic is inside; image via Splash]

Barack Obama: 'Sorry-ass motherf—ker ain't got nothing on me'

We already thought that Super Bowl watchers in Tucson were the luckiest fans ever, what with the free porn that briefly graced their televisions. Now, they're getting paid to have watched it.

Here are two things you should know about Eric Balfour: he has a knack for getting television shows canceled, and he will bare his NSFW ass for strangers on the street if you ask nicely.

Maybe Fox actually does want people to watch Dollhouse! After putting together a novel ad for the troubled Joss Whedon project, Fox has pulled out all the stops (and the clothes off star Eliza Dushku).

Before you get upset, let me clarify. I mean ugly people. People who like to imagine that the (unending!!!!!) struggle between members of the opposite sex (the gay people are just cute little helpers in this movie's world, like forks and spoons from Beauty and the Beast) is quantifiable and universal. Here's a hint: it's not! And even the doggishly handsome Justin Long can't boil the whole gurgling circus down to a safe little o.b. size. So why are you spending money on the stupid movie, an act which tangentially involves giving Greg Behrendt money. You don't want to do that.

Sure, we've already told you what we thought of the movie trailers that aired during yesterday's big game. However, what was our take on the 30-second, NSFW porn clip that accidentally played in Tuscon, Arizona?

Everyone's pretending to be shocked about the 10-second clip of porn spliced into Comcast's Tucson-area broadcast of the Super Bowl. Why? That's how Comcast butters its bread.

General manager Kent Brownridge is following editor Susan Toepfer out the door at celebrity magazine OK!. The publication's overlords are bringing back the old guard — including former celebrity flack Rob Shuter.

Worried that The Office has become mired in too many relationship subplots? Have we got the NSFW version for you!

Tom Cruise is trying to get inside the female mind; Joe Francis slipped into women's underwear and Mike Tyson is, once again, overwhelmed with lady attention.

With a million people in DC for the inauguration, Craigslist has, naturally, become a throbbing hub of sexxxy inaugural offer$. Even journalists are trying to elbow in on the action.

Yahoo has long been the leakiest ship in Silicon Valley. So what is its new captain, tough-talking former Autodesk chief Carol Bartz, going to do about it? Cuss a lot!

Barack Obama is wooing the milquetoast-conservative punditocracy tonight, at George Will's house (obvs). And the Times better have the killer inside scoop, because its columnists are all up in that dinner party.

Days after nature's wrath laid waste to Whitney Port's two-piece — on camera, natch — the City star expressed regret for the tragedy's rippling cultural impact. The NSFW wreckage follows the jump.

The Google Jet really is a party plane. Founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin travel the world on a Boeing 767 they bought and tricked out. But who flies it for them? A wild bunch.

Uniball figures that between the Madoff scandal, mortgage crisis and high-pitched Law & Order cop S. Epatha Merkerson, it will sell a metric fuckton of pens to panicked individual investors. So it shot the ad below. As Videogum notes, it is heart-poundingly terrifying, for a ballpoint pen ad.

Obama's not sworn in for another 11 days, but Rahm Emanuel is already said to be gutting one of his many hated enemies, Howard Dean. Presumably with a steak knife.

We learned this morning that Nevan Donahue, from MTV's reality tinkle The City, had a warrant out for an old prostitution charge. Now we know all the white trash details! How will Olivia Palermo live this down?