OK! We'd all like this to be a happy story about how famous people aren't all dicks and dreams come true, but this is also kind of a shitty story about how crappy a bride publicly treated her fiancé.

Since marrying Mrs. Mark Zuckerberg on Saturday, Dr. Priscilla Chan has become…

Attention, eligible bachelors: Actress Winona Ryder is looking for a husband. "I gotta bag me a husband!" she told Us Weekly, as a way of explaining her residence in San Francisco. So if you want to marry her, move there!

Like a pair of fine steeds, two humans of noble lineage and handsome hindquarters have come together for mating and merriment. Prince William is engaged to Kate Middleton! The wedding is expected to be even bigger than Charles and Diana's.

Singer Alicia Keys got hitched to producer Swizz Beatz in Corsica on Saturday in a ceremony performed by Deepak Chopra and attended by Queen Latifah and Bono. Because that's just what you do, when you're rich. [Page 6]

We know that Chelsea Clinton's wedding is in Rhineback New York at Astor Courts. But how much will it cost? Politics Daily has a ludicrously detailed article on the subject, but here's all you need to know.

Oprah and Obama aren't going to Chelsea's wedding—they weren't even invited. Is the location an elaborate ruse? Could Bristol Palin be trying to upstage her? A guide to the most perplexing wedding of the century.

It is always a magical time, when the first member of a presidential administration marries his first journalist. Congrats to hipster budget nerd Peter Orszag, who is engaged to ABC's Bianna Golodryga.

File under "Probably Not In This Week's Altarcations": the founder of "Hookers For Jesus" and some guy in a Christian rock band got married in Vegas. The name of the band? "Stryper." +4 [CNN]

[Polygamy in Iowa! Kidding. Gary Seronko and his new husband (!!) Curtis Rathmeier are hugged by Rev. Peg Esperanza on the steps of the Polk County Administration Building in Des Moines, IA. Via Getty]

Awkward wedding bells are riiinging. Heather Matarazzo, from Welcome to the Dollhouse and other indies the Princess Diaries movies, has successfully proposed to her girlfriend. [Us]

It's the stylishest, middle-ageist, gayest wedding of the year! Homewear designer and Top Design judge Jonathan Adler ("see you later decorator!") will be marrying Barney's creative director Simon Doonan. "I always thought we were married, so I don't feel like celebrating the fact that the government's allowing me to think I'm married. It's more like paying a parking ticket," says Doonan, romantically, of the occasion. Oh! Oh! Maybe Tim Gunn and Thom Browne will be next. Sure they aren't dating and Thom may have a penchant for the youngs, but they're both stylish! And, um, middle-aged! [Towleroad] Photo via Times

Heidi Montag, the gummy-faced attention-suck from The Hills, is finally ready to marry wicked boyfriend Spencer. Spencer says she taught him to be a good boy by "read[ing] me biblical passages like 'Honor thy wife.'"

Abandon all hope, chronic masturbators. Scarlett Johansson will never be yours. Or at least not for the next couple of years. She and her Canadian pal Ryan Reynolds have gone and gotten an engagement. The talented singer, 23, and the proven box office draw, 31, will surely be together forever. [Us]