About an hour before the ball dropped in Times Square last night, the always charming and charismatic Ted Cruz, who is definitely not a dozen lizards wearing a human skin suit, went on Fox News to deliver a message, in the form of a parable.

2016 is going to be the last year of Obamacare, and of Hillary’s political career, and of the IRS, Cruz said. He got very excited. “I want to finish with a simple story,” he said, “a story that I’ve heard on the trail.” Hmm.

“The date is January 20, 2017.” (Flash forward.)

“A little old man walks up to the Marine guarding the front gate at the White House. He says, ‘Excuse me sir, is Barack Obama here?’ The Marine says, ‘No, I’m sorry, Barack Obama is no longer president of the United States.’”

“The next day, same little old man, same Marine, he says, ‘Excuse me, is Barack Obama there?’ The Marine sighs, a little bit frustrated, and says, ‘No. Barack Obama is no longer president of the United States.’”

“The next day, January 22nd. The same little old man, same Marine, same question. This time, the Marine is visibly frustrated. He sighs and says, ‘Sir! I told you three days in a row. Barack Obama is no longer president of the United States.’” (You can probably tell where this is going.)

“The little old man smiles and, with a twinkle in his eye, says, ‘I know that, I just love hearing you say it!’ And with that, the Marine promptly salutes and says, ‘See you tomorrow, sir!’”

Incidentally, while there are always four Marines on guard at the West Wing of the White House, the complex itself is not guarded by the Marines, but by the Secret Service Uniformed Division.

Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.