The Top 100 Gawker Posts of 2013, by Traffic
We've already assembled what we think are the best Gawker posts of 2013. Here is what the faceless, indifferent gods of internet traffic thought were the best.
They like sex tapes, Russell Brand, "unbelievable" photos, Russell Brand again, really sad stories, and lists of terrible people. These are ranked by pageviews. (The bottom of the list is over here: The 10 Least Popular Gawker Posts of 2013, by Traffic.)
1. "Here's The First Clip From Farrah Abraham's 'Sex Tape' [NSFW]," by Neetzan Zimmerman—10,936,027
2. "Russell Brand May Have Started a Revolution Last Night," by Neetzan Zimmerman—6,517,124
3. "This Three Minute Commercial Puts Full-Length Hollywood Films to Shame," by Neetzan Zimmerman—6,042,723
4. "The Most Deranged Sorority Girl Email You Will Ever Read," by Caity Weaver—5,224,081
5. "Dad Calls Cops on Son to Teach Him a Lesson, Cops Shoot Son Dead," by Neetzan Zimmerman—3,908,953
6. "Man Wakes Up from Surgery, Realizes He's Married to a Beautiful Woman," by Neetzan Zimmerman—3,632,389
7. "Mom Gives Kids Homemade Lunch, School Forces Them to Eat Ritz Crackers," by Neetzan Zimmerman—2,778,696
8. "Cheating Prank Backfires When Girlfriend Reveals She's Cheating Too," by Neetzan Zimmerman—2,758,743
9. "Russell Brand Destroys MSNBC Talk Show Host for Treating Him Like Shit," by Neetzan Zimmerman—2,342,482
10. "The Perfect Solution to Obnoxiously Loud Cellphone Conversations," by Neetzan Zimmerman—1,358,281
- Louis C.K.'s Explanation of Why He Hates Smartphones Is Sad, Brilliant
- Jimmy Fallon's Latest Lip Sync-Off Was Actually Epic
- There's No Getting Around It: The New Chipotle Ad Is Amazing
- Little Girl's First Time Walking On Ice Will Melt Your Cold Heart
- The World's Tallest Waterslide Looks as Terrifying As It Sounds
- Two Guys You've Never Heard Of Just Released the Song of the Summer
- Two Minutes of Nothing But Goats Yelling Like Humans
- Impressionist Sings 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' As 19 Different Divas
- Mark Wahlberg Loses His Shit on Tom Cruise: "How Fucking Dare You"
- This, Courtesy of MSNBC, Is Trayvon Martin's Dead Body. Get Angry.
- Man Commits Suicide in Mall After Girlfriend Refuses to Stop Shopping
- The 20 Best Trollings in Modern History
- KTVU Reports Asiana Air Pilots Were "Sum Ting Wong" and "Ho Lee Fuk"
- Punk Band Shoots Porn Film on Front Lawn of Westboro Baptist Church
- For Sale: A Video of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Smoking Crack Cocaine
- Kimmel Asks Americans to Choose: Obamacare or the Affordable Care Act
- Short Film About Smartphone Overuse Is Smart, Poignant, Depressing
- Texas Says It's OK to Shoot an Escort If She Won't Have Sex With You
- Woman Learns Invaluable Lesson About Not Picking Fights with Stray Cats
- Here Are The First Stills From Farah Abraham's 'Sex Tape' [NSFW] [UPDATE]
- 15 Photos (and Two Videos) from the Gritty 1980s New York of Ed Koch
- Miss Delaware Teen USA Resigns After Porn Video Surfaces
- Porn Superstar James Deen Confirms 'Sex Tape' with Teen Mom Farrah Abraham
- Lindsay Lohan Nude Pics 'Leaked' to Promote The Canyons [NSFW]
- Stephen Colbert's 'Best Segment Ever' Will Make You Feel So Many Things
- Think Nemo's Bad? In Brazil It's Raining Spiders
- Shiri Appleby Has Least Celebrated Nude Photo Leak in Internet History (NSFW)
- Who What Wear?: The Best and Worst of the Oscars' Red Carpet
- Man Records Final Fight with Soon-to-Be-Ex-Wife, Uploads It to YouTube
- Bill O'Reilly's Divorce Is So Ugly, God Got Involved
- The Ten Worst People on the Subway
- Watch Michelle Obama Throw World-Historical Shade at John Boehner
- Mystery Grandma Stuns Drum Shop Staff with Killer Skin-Slapping Skills
- Man with OCD Blows Internet Away with Hauntingly Stirring Love Poem
- Dozens of Deadly Spiders Burst from Banana As Woman Prepares to Eat It
- The Topless Kate Upton Video TMZ Doesn't Want You to See Uncensored
- Rich Man Buys House Next to Ex-Wife, Erects Giant Middle Finger Outside
- Oklahoma Tornado Survivor Finds Missing Dog During Live Interview
- (Update) We Are Raising $200,000 to Buy and Publish the Rob Ford Crack Tape
- The Unbelievable Photos Taken by the Crazy Russians Who Illegally Climbed Egypt's Great Pyramid
- 39 Breathtaking Photos of North America's Most Photogenic Mayor
- Watch an Amazing Timelapse Transformation of a Homeless Veteran
- This Hornet Will Be the Last Thing You See Before You Die
- Watch Kanye West Repeatedly Get His Ass Handed to Him
- GOP Congressman Makes Park Ranger Apologize for Shutdown
- Beyoncé's Publicist Wants to Erase These Seven Unflattering Photos from the Internet
- University Of Iowa TA Accidentally Emails Her Homemade Porn to Students
- Get The Full Weiner Experience with Sydney Leathers' 'Sex Tape' [NSFW]
- The Hero Who Rescued Three Kidnapped Women in Cleveland Is Hilarious
- "I Am Sorry That It Has Come to This": A Soldier's Last Words
- Guy's Drunk Wife Tells Him a Lame Joke; He Animates the Result
- House Stenographer Dragged Off Floor Yelling About Freemasons And God
- Lame Leno Skit Turns Unexpectedly Amazing Thanks to Incredible Couple
- Woman's eBay Auction Goes Viral After She Accidentally Includes Naked Photo of Herself in Post (NSFW)
- Canadian Man Sorry for Chugging Eight Beers and Swimming to Detroit
- This Brutal Obituary Is a Reminder to Be Good to Your Children
- Somebody Went And Wrote the Ultimate Craigslist Missed Connection
- Alyssa Milano's Sex Tape Is the Most Hard-Hitting Sex Tape Yet
- Couple Driving to Dave Matthews Show Spots a Hitchhiking Dave Matthews
- Public Masturbation Declared Legal in Sweden After Landmark Trial
- Pastor Who Left Sanctimonious Tip Gets Waitress Fired from Applebee's, Claims Her Reputation Was Ruined
- This Two-Year-Old Onion Story Perfectly Predicted CNN's Shocking Steubenville Rape Trial Coverage
- The Zimmerman Jury Told Young Black Men What We Already Knew
- Sydney Leathers Does Porn (For Real This Time) [NSFW]
- CNN Reports On The 'Promising Future' of the Steubenville Rapists, Who Are 'Very Good Students'
- Taylor Swift Told Vanity Fair that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Will Burn in Hell (UPDATE)
- Adorable Little Girl Duets With Father Amidst Imaginary Fireworks
- Woman Caught Having Sex with Pit Bull in Backyard Undeterred by Presence of Police Officers
- A Stoned Sir Patrick Stewart Teaches His Girlfriend How to Act
- The Best Walmart Thanksgiving Day Fight Videos
- This Live-Tweeting of a Couple's Breakup Is Better Than Most Movies
- I Can't Stop Watching This College Kid's Hilarious Vines
- Behind the 'Sandy Hook Truther' Conspiracy Video That Five Eight Million People Have Watched in One Week
- This Terrifying Bride Is Only Joking Except When She's Not
- Guy Breaks Up with Girl by Text, Girl Publicly Shames Guy on Her Blog
- Video of Violent, Rioting Surfers Shows White Culture of Lawlessness
- Guy Sends Girl Unsolicited Selfie, Spawns Cringiest Instagram Trend Yet
- Here's the Kimmel Skit That Has Kanye West SCREAMING on Twitter
- Hundreds Attend Lonely Veteran's Funeral After Sad Obit Goes Viral
- Mila Kunis Helps a Nervous BBC Radio Interviewer Get Over His First-Time Jitters by Being Awesome
- College Student Could Lose Limbs After Passing Out on Freezing Porch
- Plastic Surgery Blamed for Making All Miss Korea Contestants Look Alike
- Men Deemed 'Too Handsome' Deported from Saudi Arabia for Fear They Would Be Irresistible to Women
- Even The Daily Show Was Shocked by This Racist GOP Leader's Responses
- Family Gets Driven Out of Missouri Town After Daughter Gets Raped
- Google Streetview Captures Public Handjob in Manchester, England
- Billy Joel Stuns Vanderbilt with Once-In-A-Lifetime Answer to Student's Question
- This Terrifying 'Twerk Fail' Is Proof That Twerking Is Bad For You
- So Much for Sinead's Advice: Miley Goes Topless for Uncle Terry [NSFW]
- This Is the Best "I Quit" Email You'll Read All Week