It hasn’t been an easy year to be Jeb Bush. He peaked in July, lost his groove, recovered his groove, realized he’d borrowed his new groove from a child predator, quietly phased it out again, and pet a stuffed moose. Fortunately, social media was there to chronicle every godforsaken gloomy minute.

So just how bad was Jeb’s 2015? We created this handy color-coded chart (ranging from vaguely off-white to deep beige) to let you know how worried you should be about Jeb’s well-being as we journey through his downward spiral.

It’s a dark tale, a cautionary tale. It’s Jeb’s tale—and there’s no end in sight.


June 15. Threat Level: LOW

Polls say: First place with 10.8 percent.

Jeb says: I can’t wait to make Dad proud.


July 16. Threat Level: LOW

Polls say: First place with 15.5 percent.

Jeb says: Hello, youths.


September 13. Threat Level: GUARDED

Polls say: Third place with 8.3 percent.

Jeb says: Reagan reagan. Reagan? Reagan.


September 17. Threat Level: GUARDED

Polls say: Third place with 7.8 percent.

Jeb says: Keepin’ it cozy.


September 22. Threat Level: ELEVATED

Polls say: Fourth place with 7.7 percent.

Jeb says: There’s probably enough chairs.


October 25. Threat Level: ELEVATED

Polls say: Fifth place with 7.2 percent.

Jeb says: I’m Jeb.


October 30. Threat Level: ELEVATED

Polls say: Fifth place with 6.5 percent.

Jeb says: Fuck Marco.


November 6. Threat Level: ELEVATED

Polls say: Fifth place with 5.3 percent.

Jeb says: Friends are forever.


November 9. Threat Level: GUARDED

Polls say: Fifth place with 6.0 percent.

Jeb says: I’m fine!!!!


November 19. Threat Level: HIGH

Polls say: Fifth place with 5.4 percent.

Jeb says: Help.


November 24. Threat Level: GUARDED

Polls say: Fifth place at 5.5 percent.

Jeb says: I, too, enjoy popular culture and leisure.


November 30. Threat Level: HIGH

Polls say: Fifth place at 5.3 percent.

Jeb says: I’m not fine.


December 22. Threat Level: HIGH

Polls say: Fifth place at 4.5 percent.

Jeb says: Mom, I know you’re home.

Jeb also says: Mom?


December 23. Threat Level: SEVERE

Polls say: Fifth place at 4.4 perecent.

Jeb says: I didn’t want to win anyway.


Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com.