Tonight at 8:30 p.m., all of our grandparents are going to fight in the Wynn hotel and casino in Las Vegas for the chance to be our Democratic nominee for President of the United States. And we’ll be liveblogging every crotchety, godforsaken second of it.

Will Twitter implode under the weight of its own endless Benghazi tweets? Will everyone gang up on nice Old Man Bernie? How long will it take for CNN’s moderators to realize Biden isn’t actually coming ? And does anyone know the names of the other three guys? Join us as we find out.

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Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com. Art by Jim Cooke.