Who Will Serve as Donald Trump's Celebrity Vice President?
Speculation about who Donald Trump will pick as his running mate abounds. The latest news has Chris Christie being vetted for the position, but they’re probably just messing with him. So far, the reality show candidate has given every indication he plans to run on a reality show platform. But what celebrity apprentice would even take the (unpaid, likely short-lived) gig?
With that in mind, Gawker reached out to 10 celebrities who have either expressed admiration for Donald Trump’s campaign or explicitly endorsed him and posed the same question to them all: If asked by Mr. Trump to serve as his vice president, would you accept? Here are their answers.
Tila Tequila
Occupation: MySpace personality and reality show star.
Pros: Firm grasp of social media.
Cons: Passionate Hitler supporter, not technically eligible for the office.
Response: “Would I serve as his Vice President? Not sure if I am able to seeing how I was born in Singapore even though I am an American citizen, but I would absolutely do it! If not the VP then I would definitely love to work in another position for the Trump administration! Mr. Trump is a tough cookie as am I, and I think it’s important to build a team with similar mindsets and goals.”
Mike Tyson
Occupation: Former heavyweight champion and current cartoon detective.
Pros: A “tough guy,” according to Donald Trump. “I like that.”
Cons: Convicted rapist and registered sex offender.
Response: No response.
Kid Rock
Occupation: Unofficial spokesman for questions that don’t have an answer, midnight glances and topless dancers.
Response: No response.
Gary Busey
Occupation: Perennial game show contestant.
Pros: Well-documented history of political and psychological independence.
Cons: As a self-identified supporter of “art sprirituality self expression and love,” not exactly on-brand for Trump.
Response: No response.
Stephen Baldwin
Occupation: Minister and celebrity sibling.
Pros: Unique insight into environmental issues as a former mission leader of a closed ecological system experiment.
Response: No response.
Dennis Rodman
Occupation: Five-time NBA champion and host of The VICE Guide to North Korean Diplomacy.
Pros: More foreign policy experience than half the people currently running for president.
Cons: None.
Response: No response.
Willie Robertson
Occupation: Duck and buck commander.
Pros: Follicular blessings should be more than enough to offset Trump’s shortcomings.
Cons: Could be perceived as elitist as the chosen heir to the Camo Throne.
Response: No response.
Ted Nugent
Occupation: Butt rocker.
Pros: None.
Cons: Draft dodger, kinda, sorta threatened to kill Obama.
Response: No response.
John Taffer
Occupation: Bar rescuer.
Pros: Objectively the best choice for rebuilding America’s crumbling national infrastructure, having transformed hundreds of failing bars worldwide over the past 36 years.
Vice President Taffer on the Flint crisis: “THIS IS DISGUSTING!! WOULD YOU DRINK THIS?? AND YOU’RE SERVING IT TO YOUR CUSTOMERS!!”
Vice President Taffer on congressional obstructionism: “I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS!! DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE?? THIS IS YOUR FUTURE!! UN-FUCKING-ACCEPTABLE!!”
Vice President Taffer on the failures of the TSA: “LOOK AT THIS LINE!! YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?? SHUT IT DOWN!! SHUT. IT. DOWN.”
Cons: Has praised Donald Trump as “the best candidate to fix the economy” without formally endorsing him.
Response: No response.
Jesse James
Occupation: Motorcycle customizer.
Pros: Good at getting free press, like Trump!
Cons: Penchant for playing Nazi dress-up.
Response:
Additional reporting by Alex Pareene.
