Wikipedia Doesn’t Want You to Know the Secret to Becoming Christ

Another week, another hoard of lost, encyclopedic souls deleted by Wikipedia’s editors in cold blood. But don’t worry; though these bizarre, terribly sourced articles may be gone, they will never be forgotten. We’ve made sure of it.

The International Association of Project and Program Management

The International Association of Project and Program Management is a very poorly camouflaged scam that purports to offer its members the chance to advance their project- and program-relate careers.

Now, what sorts of projects and programs are they talking about exactly? Hey, what are you, a cop? Who cares! Anytime you get to pump up your resume with such titles as Certified Project Manager™ or Certified Project Director™ (among many, many more!), details are of little importance. Just send your check ranging anywhere from $70 to $500 to this anonymous P.O. box in St. John’s Florida, and you, too, can be a professional Project™ and Program™ enthusiast.

Best line:

Though technically not from the deleted page, the “organization’s” web site is astounding if for no other reason than its seemingly endless stream of meaningless words. For instance, on Program Management™:

Program management is the active process of managing multiple global workstreams or projects which need to meet or exceed business goals according to a pre-determined methodology or life-cycle. Program management focuses on tighter integration, closely knit communications and more control over program resources and priorities.

Or perhaps you’re interested in Portfolio Management™:

Portfolio management is best defined as a core strategic business process of actively identifying, evaluating and prioritizing projects, resources and budgets within their global or regional business pipeline. This management action allows for improved harmonization and assessment of competing investments across the organization and to make sound decisions.

“Streamline your project globalization workflow or die” is what I wish I could say their motto was. So feel free to claim that one for your own, IAPPM—first one’s on the house.

Why it got deleted:

It is a “blatant advertisement” for a “questionable organization” and “most likely a scam run by some schlub living in his mother’s basement in Florida.”

Why it shouldn’t have been:

Deleting your work is terrible project and program management etiquette. You’ll never make it through pledging with that attitude.

I AM Training

I AM Training is, according to the page’s author, an “Ascension Philosophy.” From what I can understand, it’s a training method that lets you literally become either Christ or Satan, depending on your preference. Because as I learned when I became a Certified Project Manager™, it’s important to give people options.

Best line:

Unfortunately, this particular article doesn’t go into to much detail, so we will present it you in full:

I AM Training is an Ascension Philosophy. I AM Training is training that takes place in order to become the ideal in which you might call Christ. Some call the ideal Lucifer but I AM Training keeps the ideal of getting rid of self as part of its main philosophy The training has its roots in various other philosophies and cultures. Anyone can engage in this training if they so choose. The training and the ideal is not inherently good or bad.
Physical Training
Musical Training
Artistic Training
Mental and Social Training
Spiritual Training

Fin.

Why it got deleted:

Wikipedia’s editors assert that the article lacks both reliable sourcing and anything that might establish notability. Which, truthfully, are some dangerous accusations to levy against a person who could be either Christ or Satan at any given moment.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

I want to learn to be Jesus.

Earthquake sensitive

Earthquake sensitive is a quality one has when one is sensitive to earthquakes. That’s where the name comes from.

But this isn’t just about being sensitive to earthquakes as they’re happening (anyone can do that). Earthquake sensitives can allegedly predict quakes before they even happen.

Why these earth-shaking soothsayers remain silent before each and every devastating earthquake, however, remains a mystery.

Best line

One earthquake sensitive mentioned in sensitive Cal Orey’s The Man Who Predicts Earthquakes: Jim Berkland, maverick geologist suggested that the different crystal makeups of different regions account for distinct sounds from different areas. She thought that pressure also determined sound, and provided an example, saying how granite sounds were different from those of quartz.

Ok, sure.

Why it got deleted:

“Unscientific crap,” says Wikipedia.

Why it shouldn’t have been:

Another earthquake defense shattered.