Word Terrorism: When "Smart Takes" Aren't

13.01K

Ken Layne

09/09/13 11:00AM

Filed to: word terrorism

We are terrorized by language every day! Word Terrorism is here to fight back, by collecting the worst examples of modern vocabulary and revealing the true meanings behind the most insidious terms. Your suggestions are both welcome and necessary.

smart take: 1. An idiot's preferred method of announcing on Twitter that he or she approves of some banal essay or article he or she just skimmed on a mobile phone. 2. #SmartTake: As a Twitter hashtag, used to inform one's social circle that one disdains a banal essay or article likely to be promoted as a smart take by one's intellectual inferiors.

encryption: A guarantee that the U.S. government will read a specific email.

boots on the ground: Arcane phrase used by elderly members of Congress to change the subject from flying death robots.

meme: A trivial matter fleetingly made special by its rapid repetition on the Internet. Usage: "A website I dislike has received 600,000 page views for repeating a meme about surprised ducks that I invented on Twitter."

MySpace: A holding tank or storage space for economic undesirables; a poorhouse.

startup: A technology business of any age that doesn't make anything tangible, money included.

Burning Man: An exclusive Nevada resort open for a single week each year that caters to wealthy middle-aged Californians.

[Illustration by Jim Cooke.]

narlaq Ken Layne 09/09/13 01:51PM

I'm growing tired of all the hatred towards Burning Man, all because a couple of rich douches decided to attend. I think that's the key behind ValleyWag; "regardless of what they're doing, we're going to bust the balls of everyone in the technology field who has more money than we do, simply because they're doing something." Most of it (not all) seems like forced bitching, rather than justified outrage. Just saying.

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Ken Layne narlaq 09/09/13 02:51PM

Burning Man is not uniquely guilty of selling a supposed transcendental experience to mostly wealthy people who can afford the thousands of dollars required to take part. Yoga camps and meditation retreats are in the same business. And that's fine. What seems to cause annoyance, at least here in the Bay Area where the subject is difficult to avoid, is that the people who can afford to go to Burning Man and can take off a whole week from work are just showing off that they're able to do this elitist thing.

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narlaq Ken Layne 09/10/13 09:08AM

I suppose I see your point, and I cannot argue with the notion that going is expensive, and if we're being honest, people can be elitist about anything. I will say though, that I attend our regional burn yearly, and many of the burners there also attend the big event in the desert. Most of them are broke, poor, anything but elitist. They just happen to spend all of their "disposable income" on these experiences. Literally, they spend their entire year planning for the next burn (whether it be regional or national).

As someone who has only attended regional burns, I get to experience the culture and unique experience that a burn provides, without the pomp and circumstance of the national event. Many people say that going to a burn changed their life, and I agree, it's a life changing experience when embraced properly. I suppose that's why I find it disconcerting when people focus on everything a burn is not about, rather than understanding the intention and underlying themes of community, acceptance, art, expression and love.

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DanSicklesLostLeg Ken Layne 09/09/13 01:13PM

Do not neglect smart take's dumber cousin, "strong take", as in a fabricated position (as opposed to one arising out of genuine principles) developed without intellectual rigor and with the sole purpose of being inflammatory. Strong takes are further characterized by the assignment of greater moral or social importance to an event and the take's interpretation of that event than is at all warranted or even defensible under examination. Often found in sports and political journalism.

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Ken Layne DanSicklesLostLeg 09/09/13 02:26PM

I just started seeing "worth a read," which seems to be the utterly noncommittal form of "smart take."

worth a read: A dummy like yourself might get something from this crappy article, which ineptly covers an area of my expertise.

DanSicklesLostLeg Ken Layne 09/09/13 03:21PM

Agreed. In some respects these are a response to a legitimate need, which is the ability to recommend a written piece to the attention of others in a concise manner (either because the format requires brevity, as with Twitter, or because you don't have much to add to the sentiment "I enjoyed this and believe you will as well").

The hell of it, of course, is that "This is a good piece, and I recommend it" or even just "Recommended" require no elaboration; they are perfectly adequate (one might even say cromulent), and leave the proposed reader to personally judge the worthiness, intelligence, or strength of the suggested piece.

Rich Boucher Ken Layne 09/09/13 11:47AM

My candidate for worst word: "Creeper".

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Ken Layne Rich Boucher 09/09/13 12:26PM

And just when it appeared to be fading from its Internet heights, children now use it to mean these evil blockheads from their beloved Minecraft game:

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MigratingItch Ken Layne 09/09/13 11:12AM

More Ambrose Bierce incisiveness, please.

WIT, n. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

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Ken Layne MigratingItch 09/09/13 11:24AM

We are indebted to Mr. Bierce for this idea, of course, and we dearly hope he is still alive somewhere in Mexico today. (Vampire Ambrose Bierce is a foolproof concept for a YA series, right?)

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MigratingItch Ken Layne 09/09/13 11:49AM

He is at the same time both epic AND awesome.

MigratingItch Ken Layne 09/09/13 01:20PM

With The Devil's Dictionary being his most contemporarily known work, it's easy to overlook what a brilliant journalist and writer he was. And a looker.

Ken Layne MigratingItch 09/09/13 01:36PM

I love his ghost stories. Most of them are quick little shots of venom and insanity, often taking place during the Civil War (in which he served, for the Union).

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MigratingItch Ken Layne 09/09/13 02:04PM

If only we - in today's culture - exercised a fraction of the thoughtfulness with which he chose his words...but apparently "it's totes amazeballs" and the like must suffice. I know pendants screech on about semantics, but I think choosing the *exact* right word to convey meaning is the most important thing about writing.

I sense that you are a lover of words, and if I'm right, and you haven't yet seen it, check out the Australian legal comedy/drama, Rake. (They're making what appears at first glance to be an unfortunately inferior remake over here, with Greg Kinnear) The writing on this show is, well, TOTES AMAZEBALLS. Seriously, it's tremendously well written, witty, etc. etc. Richard Roxburgh as the lead is EPIC. (Brilliant but self destructive lawyer...)