I've been meaning to put together a guessing game every week, where reality show contestants and current accused criminals are presented side by side. Because it's a little hard to tell them apart these days, ya know?

Maybe if my interns weren't so lazy, we'd have fun things like that here on Gawker. But noooooo: intern Alexis is too busy hauling herself around Yale, trying to keep Harold Bloom's meathooks off her tender parts. Intern Neel is visiting his family back in some part of the third world where they don't have high-speed internet. (I'm serious! Eww!) Worse: intern "Henry" left me for our ugly sister site, Wonkette.

It's sad here at Gawker HQ without them. My ass isn't going to scratch itself.

Wait, I did have a point: There's a perfectly great story today about a Goldman Sachs secretary named Joyti De-Laurey who allegedly stole $8.1 million. Ms. De-Laurey's defense? Goldman Sachs gave it to her as "a reward for being me." Yay her! Get this woman on a Fox show, stat!

Ms. De-Laurey's lawyer, speaking on her behalf in London court, said: "Having been given the chance to lead the life of a millionaire, she snapped it up. And who wouldn't? This was honest greed, not theft."

Now if I take things I want, it's not stealing? Sweet. Certain internet publishing mogul playboys might want to change their online banking passwords today.
Goldman Aide Denies Theft [NY Post]