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None of this "anlking" bullshit: Viacom president/COO Mel Karmazin (pictured at left) quits, reportedly uncomfortable sharing power with mummified chairman and CEO Sumner Redstone. To solve the power-sharing problems, Viacom immediately promoted MTV's Tom "Teen 4-Ever" Freston and CBS head/extreme tooth-whitening enthusiast Les Moonves to...share power as Redstone's bipartite seconds-in-command. Redstone, meanwhile, will spend the next three years of his dotage choosing a successor, hardly noticing Moonves whispering his own name as he turns down the CEO's bed each night.

UPDATE: Defamer loves the golden parachute: Karmazin gets $1 million salary per year for next two years.