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In honor of recent sentencings, resident statistician Andrew Krucoff gives us the details of the wealthy women behind bars.

Did you know that the U.S. women prison population is roughly 100,000 strong? [source] That's a lot of Ladies of the Pen looking for some conjugal visitation. Of course, it would be unfair to portray the average female inmate as a villianous version of Gertrude Stein. Some like men — some like money even more. And not all hail from backward states and are missing a row of teeth. Some drive SUV's backwards — sometimes into groups of people!

Celebrity prison terms are making a comeback and apparently it's the new rehab. Hott! Time and again these women emerge head held high claiming to have a better perspective on life than ever before with valuable lessons and knowledge they'll use forever. (Uh-huh, whatever sells a book.) Here's a brief lowdown on our ladies of the lockdown with extra data bits.

(Graph indicates time served, where applicable.)

Lizzie Grubman: 16 - number of people she mowed down in a sports utility vehicle at a popular Hamptons nightspot. Insiders suggest she has cried every day since the accident. That might explain her face.

Martha Stewart: $1 billion - her net worth on paper the day after the IPO of her company, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia. Guilty of obstruction of justice and dilution of brand.

Leona Helmsley: $40 million - peak net worth achieved mainly by being a nasty bitch in the hotel industry and deciding, "taxes are for the little people." Sure, and tax evasion is for sending big people to the big house.

Heidi Fleiss: $53,000 - Amount Charlie Sheen spent on escorts through the Hollywood Madam's a la cartel. She served 20 months of a 37-month sentence after being convicted of money laundering, tax evasion, and attempted pandering. The last one means "getting whores," FYI.

Susan McDougal: $300,000 - value of loan in question surrounding the civil contempt charges brought against her for refusing to testify before a grand jury on a little Arkansas land deal known as Whitewater. We hope she got at least that much in bribes from the Clintons. Kidding! It's jokes, people!

Paris Hilton: $3.8 billion - net worth of her parents (and thus her), which still wasn't enough for the best high schools to teach her one important lesson: don't fuck on camera!! While she's technically never been held in any prison facility — YET — we think being caught on video chugging Rick Solomon's king-cock carries a life sentence punishment all its own.