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· DreamWorks and Paramount win bidding war for Transformers. THR's excellent synopsis of the movie that will move unthinkable numbers of toys: "The Transformers are divided into two groups of robots, one led by Optimus Prime, who believes in tolerance and the sanctity of life, the other by Megatron, who espouses survival of the fittest and the extermination of biological life." Kids will clamor to wield the Darwinist Megatron handgun! [THR]
· NBC replaces chemistry-free Joeypilot love interest Ashley Scott with slumming stage actress Andrea Anders. We hope some of her theater background prepares her for the crackling sexual chemistry that probably won't be acted upon until the first ratings dip. [THR]

· More ex-Friends news: Jennifer Aniston to play inevitably Rachel-like character in Miramax's Derailed. [THR]
· Matt Damon is in negotiations to star opposite Leo DiCaprio in Martin Scorcese's upcoming film, The Departed. Scorcese's setting the film in Boston, so we'll be treated to Damon's authentic, lilting Good Will Hunting accent and Leo's mangling of the Beantown patois. [THR]
· Paramount will produce screen-adaptation of Watchmen, a DC Comics series that has been called the War and Peace of the genre. In the distance, we hear the sounds of America's comic book fans spontaneously ejaculating. [THR]
· Les Moonves is a huge pussy: Jorja Fox allowed back on CSI, and badly-timed "oversleeper" George Eads may also return. [THR]

[Ed. note— The round-up lacks Variety articles because where possible we choose the THR version of the stories, which you can read (even in synopsis) without a subscription.