Our totally awesome Special Correspondent on Complicated Financial Statements has come through with an excellent translation of Salon.com's 'Now We Make Money, No Really!' press release regarding their first quarter profits. Just as we thought: the phrase "pro forma profit" meant "not actually a profit." What? The internet isn't going to make us all rich?

As one of your friendly MBA s, I can assist in translation:

Pro Forma: The means these are the numbers that we came up with to look good, and won t stand up to any serious audit. Any pro-forma figures don t have to follow ANY rules in accounting, business, or anything else. Should be regarded with great suspicion.

GAAP: Generally accepted accounting principles. First off, the fact that these are generally accepted and not laws should clue you in to the fact that there are enough loopholes there to fly a blimp through. The fact that Salon is reporting non-GAAP figures probably means they were hitting the bong when coming up with the figures. You ll notice that the non- non-GAAP figures show a loss.

a $195,000 preferred deemed dividend charge resulting from the issuance of preferred stock at an effective common stock purchase price below the market price of Salon's common stock on the date of the transaction -> These means that somebody got paid off with stock, but they aren t going to call that an expense. It just happened

I guess my point is that this press release means fuck-all. But I think you figured that out already. Had I not just had four or five Manhattans I could have been clearer, or at least more amusing.