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· Mel Karmazin becomes CEO of Sirius Satellite Radio, enabling him and BFF Howard Stern to continue with the important work of heaving slices of bologna at strippers' asses. [THR]
· Les Moonves implants a subcutaneous microchip in the neck of Joe Roth, forcing him to sign a three-year sitcom development deal with CBS. At the end of the contract, Moonves will flip a switch that tursn Roth into a ruthless killing machine, invading ABC's offices and slaying everyone in his path. Moonves will then flip a second switch, making Roth's head explode. [Variety, sub. req'd.]
· Because Robin Williams in drag is box office gold: Fox2000 plans a Mrs. Doubtfire sequel, written by fat-old-lady prosethetics expert Bonnie Hunt. [THR]
· Sony wins bidding war to release a new Dave Chapelle concert DVD. He's Rick James, bitch, etc etc. [THR]
· Director David Yates has been chosen to helm the fifth Harry Potter movie. Yes, the David Yates, of The Tichborne Claimant fame. It's OK, you can IMDb him now and figure out who the hell he is. [Variety]