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If you're famous, please please don't die in the next 48 hours, because the news folk have already put together their lists of everyone who died this year. Just hold on until New Year's Day.

While doing a little statistical analysis on the year in death, I can't help but notice that the death list this year is overwhelmingly composed of Gentiles and heterosexuals—particularly for a list of entertainers. Have the Jewish and Velvet Mafias, working in concert, finally perfected their eternal life machines—and, most importantly, withheld those secrets from the lesser classes? Hooray!