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Gigi Levangie Grazer, screenwriter, novelist, and Hollywood war bride of Imagine's Brian Grazer, offers the Rocky Mountain News a helpful guide to the intensive, potentially year-long beauty regimen that should be undertaken by any Oscar-quality arm candy worth the limo ride. A taste:

• Three weeks before: Get hair highlighted so that it looks natural and not freshly painted by Oscar day.

Get Botox shots to give any droop a chance to disappear.

Get Restylane and collagen injections so bruising and swelling dissipate.

Go under the laser so that all peeling is completed.

There you have it: If you're not willing to subject your face to muscle-paralyzing toxins and spend a little time getting a money-shot from a laser beam, maybe it's time to turn in your seven-figure Harry Winston loaner necklace and accept that you're more of a People's Choice Awards kind of gal.