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· "The place reeks of pot. It's like a free for all. There are people in the Jacuzzi, and it's just wild." Fox's Roger Friedman gets a call from a guest "in the shit" at Patrick Whitesell's post-Oscar orgy. We've always heard that Endeavor gets the best weed—it helps them stop stressing about Ben Affleck's career.
· The Independent Spirit Awards swag bag: nary a tropical vacation to be found. It's amazing anyone shows up to that thing.
· Prehistoric Julia Roberts found, identified by enormous mouth.
· No one ever said that Oscar is fair.
· The Fug Girls get drafted by MSNBC to lend their fashion expertise.
· Whatever happened to time-tested methods of getting stars interested in your work, like writing your script on your penis and dipping it in their soup at the Ivy?