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Disney.com's whistle-blowing Disney Insider throws back the curtain on the park's ultra-secret Club 33, a location so shrouded in mystery that the mere mention of the place by a non-member carries the harshest of Magic Kingdom reprisals, the public chewing off of the genitals by Pluto at a Character Brunch. But how does one gain entry to this inner sanctum, which, incidentally, is the only place in the park that serves booze?

Club 33 membership is within the reach of anyone who is willing to pay the annual dues, and wait … and wait … and wait … for a coveted spot to open up. Members tend to stay for the long haul – some as long as 38 years – so new openings are few and far between!

There are some secrets that even the Disney Insider is afraid to reveal. Upon receiving a Club 33 bid (which must be sponsored by a Clubee) from an acceptable applicant, Disney CEO Michael Eisner chooses a member for removal. The unlucky member is then slaughtered and served to a gathering of the full membership by the Club's gourmet chef. The de-clubbed member's family is relocated to a Disney-owned internment condominium inside the abandoned California Adventure theme park, where they remain until their bloodline dies out.