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According to People, Demi Moore's flack is already denying the pregnancy rumors: "Although having another child is something Demi would like to do, unfortunately she can't at this time say she is pregnant." That, dear readers, is about the weakest denial you will ever read. Better get to the Kabbalah Centre quickly, before they run out of blessed baby booties with one of God's 72 names on them. More interesting, however, is Ashton Kutcher's sleight of hand in deflecting the rumors by endorsing our pet theory about Mario Vazquez's mysterious American Idol exit:

On another pressing matter, why Mario Vazquez may have quit American Idol, Kutcher posited: "I don't think he's Mario Vazquez at all. I think he's Wilmer Valderrama from That '70s Show."

Very sneaky, Ash. The world will soon forget that your seed has taken root in the womb of an older woman...at least until you sell the baby pictures to Us Weekly