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The WGA rank-and-file huddled in the Writers Guild Theater last night to receive wisdom from scribble-and-shoot, multihyphenate elders Barry Levinson, James L. Brooks, and Gary Ross, and heard what they already certainly knew—if the studios can't slap a catchy tagline on a one-sheet that features something engulfed in a ball of flames, you've got a one way ticket to Fox Searchlight country. A reader recaps last night's talk:

Character actor and one-time "Electric Company" scribe Paul Dooley and sometimes-co-writer, all-the-time-superstar Owen Wilson [Ed.note—Wilson is commonly referred to as "The Butterscotch Stallion."] were among the audience at the WGA Theatre for an evening with writer/director heavyweights Barry Levinson, Gary Ross, and James L. Brooks. Among the lessons learned: Brooks is the only person in the world who knows what noodle salad is, Ross may still harbor the tiniest little grudge against Penny Marshall for booting his ass off the set of Big, and Levinson cranks out minor-classics like Diner in three weeks with absolutely no re-writing (this comment nearly touched off a lynching by frustrated writers still struggling in second act hell after two years).

Overall, these guys were real class acts—-modest, funny and entertaining and painfully aware that to make movies now "about anything that involves human behavior" is to risk being dismissed as art-house fare by the studios. Levinson held up Brook's directorial debut Terms of Endearment—both a commercial and critical success in the early 80's— which he said if released today would only get released by a studio's indie shingle and probably receive bupkiss by way of promotional dollars. The recently acclaimed is-it-a-comedy-or-a-drama The Upside of Anger was held up as such an example. The evening was moderated by Anger's writer/director/actor Mike Binder and was overall a sobering event for all us CGI-hating non-hyphenates out there.

If spottily-employed WGA members are moved to do something drastic after having their fears about the craft reinforced yet again, we recommend they choose a method of self-annihilation with a high success rate; no one wants a botched suicided attempt to result in onerous medical bills. Those with full coverage on the vaunted WGA health plan, however, can choose any method they wish.