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The unfailingly reliable National Enquirer reports that when Ashton Kutcher isn't regifting $3,000 Pottery Barn gift cards, Ugg boots, and garter belts (!) to his disabled brother back in Cedar Rapids, he and fiancée Demi Moore display a surprising curiosity about the human gastrointestinal system:

"Our newborn son was constipated while we were staying with them over Thanksgiving last year. Demi thought she could help by rubbing homeopathic oil on his stomach, massaging his intestinal tract. When she did Ashton told her she was massaging the intestinal tract the wrong way. "They made a $500 bet on which way the intestinal tract moves down the stomach.

"They went online and found Demi was right. Ashton pulled out five $100 bills and gave them to Demi.

Did the incredibly generous couple already forget their Kabbalah first-aid training? The Centre's 72 Names For Healing clearly prescribes that the treatment for a stopped-up baby includes lighting a candle that smells like God, tying a red string around the baby's wrist, then making a thousand-dollar bet about which orifice will first expel the byproduct of a vigorous Kabbalah Water enema.