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Despite new leader Brad Grey's executive restructuring of The New Paramount™, the studio still can't seem to stop taking hits from the remake crack-pipe. Is there some holdover from the old regime feverishly making deals out of a well-hidden janitorial closet, waiting to be discovered? Today's Variety reports that Paramount plans to remake Summer School, the Mark Harmon comedy vehicle* from 1987:

Studio's tapped the writing team of Kyle Pennekamp and Scott Turpel to pen the script, which will cover the chaotic summer season in high school life, centering on a hard-nosed teacher aiming to be the next principal and the student who becomes his nemesis in achieving that goal.

At least they're not tampering with the plot of the original classic, in which Harmon's surfing gym teacher is pressed into duty as a summer session teacher, makes peace with a classroom full of misfits (Chainsaw was our favorite), then gets over on fellow teacher Kirstie Alley, who then was a credible object of lust, and not the sloppy, willing punchline of stomach-churning food fetish jokes on Showtime.

Just a little note to the guy in the janitorial closet at Paramount: You can have your bastardized remake of Summer School, but if you go anywhere near Better Off Dead or One Crazy Summer, we will cut you.


[*This may very well be the first time the phrase "Mark Harmon comedy vehicle" has ever been typed.]