Happy Birthday, Martha Stewart!
Just in time for her 64th birthday today, post-incarceration domestication machine Martha Stewart is looking at more time under house arrest. Stewart — whose stint in the slammer has been rewarded with two upcoming television shows — is allegedly facing punishment because of a Post report that Stewart had violated the terms of her house arrest by taking yoga classes in town with her daughter Alexis.
The claim hurts Stewart's chances of ending her punishment on time, as she was originally set to lose the ankle bracelet on August 10. But, given that authorities are looking into these scandalous yoga claims and word that Martha Stewart Omnimedia employees have been told not to expect the boss back in the office until September, it wouldn't be surprising to see Stewart spend some more time shackled to her perfectly gray, barnless estate in Bedford, NY.
We feel badly for Martha, but our hearts really go out to her staff around the house. The last thing those poor souls need is some extra facetime with the boss, sternly demanding that they replant all 500 of those bulbs precisely two inches northwest of their current location. Free Martha, if only for their sake.