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• Oh. My. God. Currently imprisoned Michael Lohan, father of innocent actress Lindsay, has penned a song to his daughter. And he sent it to Lloyd Grove, who's reprinted it in all of its glory. A sampling: I loved and protected you, I was THERE through it all./I do admit, I did at times fall./But these things you know were due to "THEM"/The ones that want to have a piece of my gem! [Lowdown]
• More hurricane tragedy: Rapper Juvenile's New Orleans home has been destroyed. Trent Lott's we could handle, but not this. [R&M (2nd item)]
• A holla to our favorite Star Jones impersonator, drag queen Flotilla DeBarge, who shared the Next mag Out There Award for Press Whore of the Year with gay porn star Michael Lucas. We're surprised the award didn't go to the actual Jones, but maybe next year. [Page Six]