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Courtney Love's couch-based assault of a sleeping musician last year has finally made its way to the courts, and as is typical of most Love antics, the reality is more authentically batshit insane than any jokey version we could come up with:

Courtney Love is being sued over a bottle-swinging, breast-pinching and hair-pulling attack on a sleeping woman at the home of the singer's ex-boyfriend. [...]

Allred alleged her client, musician Kristin King, was sleeping on a couch at the home of Love's former boyfriend and manager when she was "viciously attacked by Ms. Love" in April 2004.

The attorney said Love poured whiskey on King and the alcohol bottle struck the woman's left cheekbone and temple. The singer allegedly then threw a lit candle at King, jumped on top of her and dug her fingernails into King's left forearm and bicep.

Love also allegedly yanked King by the hair, backhanded her, chipping one of King's teeth, and pinched her breast, leaving a bruise, Allred said.

A lesser crazy person might've stopped at the candle-throwing or the whiskey-dowsing. But Courtney Love, who consistently demonstrates admirable dedication to craft, knew that the real grace note to a truly artful sneak-attack is the finishing breast-pinch.