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For every glossy cover story action, there is an equal and opposite publicist reaction:

Nick and Jessica have not separated," said a joint statement on behalf of the couple. "Rumors to the contrary are simply not true."

"They have not separated," Simpson rep Brad Cafarelli said in an e-mail to The Associated Press.

Somewhere out there, a 15 year-old Jessica Simpson fan, unable to process information from events that have occurred since the first season of Newlyweds due to an elective lobotomy, slowly pumps her fist and whispers Yes!, her faith in the health of her favorite couple's marriage unshaken.