That girl who was famous for a while in the mid-aughts got married to Diana Ross's son this weekend, and despite the presence of several recognizable celebrities, they apparently couldn't get anyone to pay for their wedding photos in the time-honored Hollywood tradition.

Collect call for Nick Lachey from a Miss Jessica Weaddababi-Eitzaboi.

Buoyed by the mostly negative reception of Jessica Simpson's 2006 feature film, Employee of the Month, NBC has just revealed it is developing a scripted comedy based on her hilarious life.

Bad news if you were planning on having a baby any time soon. Jessica Simpson is having all the babies now, so you'll have to take a number (and numbers 1 – 1000 are Jessica Simpson).

Joe Simpson, the father of famous person Jessica Simpson, has joined the ranks of some of America's greatest celebrity pastors by coming out to his family and having his affair with a much younger man revealed by gossip rags. Somewhere on South Beach, George Rekers is quietly applauding.

Jessica Simpson's mom filed for divorce from her husband of 34 years, Papa Joe. Lucky for him, Ashlee is still single.

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo had a son, Camden, on Wednesday. May he grow up to marry Maxwell Simpson-Johnson on TV.

Jessica Simpson's father/manager/minister/lover Joe Simpson was arrested for DUI last week. He spent a night in jail.

After 37 months of pregnancy, America's most fashionable country bumpkin Jessica Simpson has given life to a baby girl. Welcome to the world, Maxwell Drew Johnson. Countless farts and pairs of Spanx preceded your arrival.

Jessica Simpson just loves being pregnant. She loves reveling in her womanly figure, predicting her future daughter's fashion sense, celebrating with big belly photo shoots, and indulging in those whacky cravings. But the thing that Jessica Simpson seems to love most of all? Discussing how being pregnant has turned her into a "fire hydrant" fart monster.

Last night, atop an impossibly garish neon-lit stage, television and televised commercials reached a horrible event horizon in Fashion Star, America's first primetime network show in which product placement supplants entertainment completely. It was vapid, tacky, and embarrassing.

I suppose it was inevitable. Jessica Simpson—like Demi Moore, Britney Spears, and every other female celebrity who has ever been pregnant—is on the cover of a magazine naked, pregnant, and posed with one hand on her boobs and the other on her belly. The pictures appeared online yesterday. Aren't we sick of this pose, yet?

Lady Gaga marks her dressing rooms with urine in surprising places. Jessica Simpson plans to give birth in 4-inch Yves Saint Laurent heels. Rihanna is horny and not getting laid enough. Nicki Minaj wants to use a vibrator in front of children. Friday gossip has needs.

Tom Cruise's Rock of Ages dance training was a revelation. Dr. Conrad Murray is on suicide watch. Amber Rose says Kim Kardashian totally banged Kanye. Pregnant Jessica Simpson "crave[s] cantaloupe like a crazy person." Tuesday gossip can't control its urges.

Lindsay Lohan's jail sentence is delayed. Kim Kardashian flees Australia. Kate Gosselin gets a job clipping coupons. Stanley Tucci marries Emily Blunt's sister. Thursday gossip procrastinates nude.

Jessica Simpson used a really cheesy pun on her website to announce what the world has known for a long time now: She's pregnant. Dressed as an ancient Egyptian sarcophagus dweller, she said, "That's right, I'm going to be a mummy." Groan.

Kim Kardashian dressed up as Poison Ivy for Halloween and is divorcing her husband. Demi Moore dressed up as a divorcee. Lindsay Lohan is wearing an innocent nun's costume, Jessica Simpson is rocking an "immaculate conception" look, and Taylor Swift is going as a nude photo scandal. Monday's gossip doesn't know if it's a trick or a treat.

Does James Franco wax his buttcrack? What are the best accessories for a trip to the morgue? Why is Jessica Simpson so bad at hiding her baby bump? These are the perplexing questions of Gawkerazzi, the show where we blog with our mouths.

Jessica Simpson flaunts her baby bump, but refuses to discuss it. George Clooney's lady wrestler lover cashes in on fame. Lindsay Lohan "parts ways" with her business manager. Mel Gibson spends a night not getting drunk. Monday gossip profits.

Demi and Ashton go camping and yell at a photographer. After occupying Wall Street, Kanye West went shopping. Jessica Simpson rubs her possibly-pregnant belly. Paz de la Huerta considers herself "one of the rare artists that are left." Tuesday gossip atones.