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• Lindsay Lohan is about to officially announce her relationship with Jared Leto, which we suspect will be consummated with a paparazzi-fuelled car crash. Let's just hope sensitive Jordan Catalano can handle the sting of an airbag. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• The delay in Katie Holmes's wedding to Tom Cruise is reportedly over pre-nup negotiations. Holmes's father is representing her and reportedly playing "hardball," meaning that when this tragic union finally ends, Holmes might walk with the cash but not the Xenu. [Scoop]
• Stavros Niarchos — former flame of Mary-Kate Olsen and current fuckpet of Paris Hilton — gives a homeless man $100 to dump a soda on himself. So classy, so sensitive — no wonder Paris enjoys his company. [Page Six]
• Rapper Ice-T suggests confronting bitchy Apprentice cast-off Omarosa with a gun. Meanwhile, NYPD begins filing reports in anticipation. [Lowdown]
• Hotelier (and accessory to Uma Thurman) Andre Balazs is rumored to be selling the Chateau Marmont for $45 million. Thankfully, a low bid from Soho House was denied — we'd hate for our members-only clubs to divert their attention from us for even one second. [Page Six]