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The sadistic bastards over at Variety certainly have a sick sense of humor, don't they? Army Archerd gives them 137 years of service, and they repay his loyalty with a blog? The just-retired Archerd bravely accepts his fate, and perhaps to flip the bird to his inhumane corporate tormentors, announces that he's going to deprive himself of the lifeblood that nourishes the interwebosphere:

I'll avoid the obvious, like Paris Hilton items—unless she's cast in a remake of ”Gone With The Wind,” God forbid. See you soon, as they say in Vegas, “Hit me!”

So courageous!

By our estimates, he's got two weeks before his bosses threaten to smash his gold watch if he doesn't start three-dotting Hilton's every move.