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You know the shtick: Blue States Lose sorts through the photos of fucked-up hipsters posted at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so that you don't have to. Then we bring you our 10 favorites each Friday. Enjoy.

Except that this week, the above is a lie. We say we bring you our 10 favorites each Friday, but seeing as how it's a holiday and no one is reading this, Joey Arak honors Gawker's half day by only putting in a halfsie on effort. Suck it. You'll take what you can get, fatty!

5) Misshapes. Nov. 19, 2005, photo #025: My mom fucked a peacock, and all I got was this lousy birthmark.

4) Last Night's Party. The Sounds photo #8520: My dad fucked Raggedy Ann, and all I got was this shoddy patchwork.

3) Last Night's Party. The Sounds photo #8490: You know how they say that in indie rock, you could mic a toilet and put out a record of someone taking a huge dump, and there'd be 5,000 people somewhere who think it's the greatest thing ever? Well, it's nice to see that someone is finally challenging that assumption.

2) Misshapes . November 19, 2005, photo #019: We're gonna expose ourselves a little and say that we were actually at Misshapes last Saturday. We're admitting this because, while there, we were scouting out possible entries for this list. And once we saw this travesty, we prayed that the Misshapes photogretard snapped a shot of him. Why? Well, you know how a baseball player can hit for the cycle? It's nothing too special, but still, when it happens once or twice a season or whatever, you're always like, "Whoa! He hit for the cycle!" This guy just hit for the hipster cycle, and while it's not surprising, it's still exciting. Stupid haircut, ironic trucker hat (they're baaaaaaaaaack), and not just any ironic T, but an ironic tie-dye T. That's like finishing up the cycle with a grand slam in the bottom of the ninth to win the whole shebang. As a matter of fact, four pasty-faced guys in headbands and tight jeans carried him out on their shoulders 10 seconds after this photo was taken. His outfit was immediately Fed Exed to the Hall of Fame. Fathers and sons hold hands and cry while viewing it in its bulletproof glass display case.

1) The Cobrasnake. Everyday a Week photo #7081: It was a weird feeling when you found out Santa Claus didn't exist, right? Like, in the back of your mind you always knew that some fat dude couldn't possibly deliver all that shit to millions of kids in one night. Still, though, a part of you always clung to the hope. But when some punk-ass bitch finally suddenly spilled the beans one day at recess, there was an awkward silence and you were never quite the same. The whole thing just kind of left a sour taste in your mouth, and you never could trust people like you did before. That's sort of how we feel about this picture of The Cobrasnake sticking his hand up into some girl's vagina.