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Later today, those with access to a television (and, it goes without saying, a handful of antidepressants) can tune in and see what happened when Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes dropped by Ellen DeGeneres' place to gab about the Miracle Baby with their favorite galpal:

Get ready for Dellen Cruise. That’s what Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes told Ellen Degeneres that they’d name their unborn child if it’s a boy. If it’s a girl, the name will be Ellen. They were kidding, of course. We hope.


DeGeneres also offered to be the child’s godmother — and to babysit. “Send it over because, babysitting I think is like $12.00 an hour,” the talk show host tells Cruise on a segment of “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” that airs today.

“Is it really?” Cruise asks.

“And they will take advantage of you for like $15.00,” DeGeneres adds.

“Can we negotiate?” the mega star inquires.

“Oh,” replies Degeneres. “I’ll do it for less.”

We won't even consider the possibility that Cruise's willingness to name the child after DeGeneres isn't some subtle clue that the host was involved in the child's conception. (Can you bear the image of Ellen hunched over a sedated Holmes with an apparatus that looks something like a stainless steel turkey baster? Didn't think so.) And unless DeGeneres is willing to significantly reduce her already low child care rates, she has no chance of competing with the complimentary Sea Org nannies (though, in fairness, their $200 a month salaries do add up over the billion years of their contract) the Celebrity Centre will assign to make sure their most beloved couple's offspring never endures a soiled diaper for more than a couple of minutes.