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After a few weeks' vacation, everyone's favorite Friday treat is back like your cold sore. It's time for Blue States Lose, where we sort through the galleries of fucked-up hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. Then we bring you our 10 favorites each Friday. After the jump, let Joey Arak guide you through hipster hell.

Our apologies for the two-week hiatus, friends. No, Leotard Fantastic did not track us down and command his unicorn to trample our PC. Rather, we took some time to clear our heads and mentally toughen up so we would be able to face what the hipsterati have in store for us in 2006. But before that, a throwback to 2005. You may recall the gent pictured in the #1 picture from the last edition of BSL. Well, he emailed us a link to his, erm, MySpace blog, which contains a rebuttal. We think. We actually have no fucking clue what this dude is trying to say. Don't you just love it when these people try to defend themselves but end up reinforcing everything said about them? Here's an excerpt:

In their exploration of Literary devices and sweet vocab words, Gawker has totally forgotten about the magic of Gestalt. The mythical combination of 'stache, denim vest, and boobie shirt, not to mention sweet rattail, creates Andy D's most magical moments. Way more than any one could do alone. I thought Gen-X was raised on Voltron - oh how much they forget.

Exactly. Read the rest here if you feel like you have too many brain cells floating around today. And before we begin, we couldn't leave you without the Last Night's Party Blog Moment of the Week, from the post titled "Flashback: Tantric Sex Couple:"

I had hooked it up with Bar 11 (home of my favorite 'Cut' party) to use the downstairs area for this, so we walked over there and took the pictures. When we were done, Angela's first words were "I'm so horny. Is that too random?" It was 5pm and I had my key shot.

And dear Misshapes, please update your photos. You're lagging worse than we are. Now, the list.

10) The Cobrasnake. Olivia Motherfun photo #9338: There should be a game where you strictly see party goers from the knees down, and you have to guess what kind of scene function it is just based on the footwear. Would there be any doubt here? Two pairs of white boots and Dunks that the guy probably dropped $160 on at Alife or something. Are hipsters that easily readable? Yes. It's so easy that we're too depressed to make the obvious "cocaine on the floor at the hipster party" joke. When Lindsay Lohan starts tagging the walls of the Dark Room, something's gotta give, you know?

9) Last Night's Party. Eve Eve: Motherfucker photo #8752: Hmm. We honestly had no clue that "I poured too much lighter fluid on the barbecue on a hot summer day" was an actual desired look. That's definitely a weirdOH MY FUCKING GOD LOOK OUT FOR THE MONSTER THAT'S EATING BRAINS.

8) Misshapes. Dec. 31, 2005 photo #128: Homer Simpson once said that the only guys who can wear Hawaiian shirts are gay dudes and big fat party animals. We always felt that rule applied better to tie-dye shirts. And since this fellow hasn't had a bagel since the Jews put a hole in the middle to save money, you know which side of the rule he's on. And you see? It looks absolutely stunning. Really really fabulous stuff here. It's almost not fair, right? That a guy could be wearing a tie-dye tank top in 2005/2006, and have it still come out to look this awesome. Oh, wait, nevermind. It actually looks like a clown ate too many Chipotle barbacoa tacos and then had diarrhea all over his chest. Our bad!

7) The Cobrasnake. Misshapes New Years photo #9659: Both The Cobrasnake and Last Night's Party were at Misshapes on New Year's Eve, so there's roughly 10,000 photos of this dude floating around the Internet. Which is a good thing, because this says it all right here. Often times non-hipsters (let's just call them "regular people") will ask what Misshapes is really like. Instead of trying to put it into wordshow many different ways can you say "shitty?"I just want to show them this picture from now on. Here. This is what it's like. Doesn't it look totally fucking awesome!?!?!?! Oh my God you guys let's all go there this Saturday! Isn't Fall Out Boy the greatest?!?!

6) Misshapes. Dec. 31, 2005 photo #207: It's time to play everybody's favorite spin-off game, Hipster of Homeless? This one is particularly tough. Is that spare change or a Jack and Coke in that outstretched plastic cup? How haggard. He's so down-on-his-luck, even Leotard Fantastic is dumbfounded. He became so upset that he took up religion and donated his sleeves to the 17th Annual New York Cares Coat Drive. So generous, that 'tard.

5) The Cobrasnake. Resolution photo #3814: Look at this and have your cheap laugh, but then look at it again and realize that that shit probably took at least an hour. So NOW who's laughing? Oh wait, it's still you. Haha, that guy looks fucking retarded!

4) The Cobrasnake. Resolution photo #3931: Remember when you were a kid and you played that "What's grosser than gross?" joke game at school. Well, there's finally an indestructible answer, and that answer is "Steve Aoki trying to french a girl with full-on Sparks tongue." Sure, the sixth graders will probably look at you all confused and shit, but just be like "You'll figure it out, kids. Some day. Just stay the course and move to Brooklyn."

3) Last
Night's Party. Misshapes NYE photo #9484: You know, people have been telling me for months that Misshapes is over, and if this picture of John Norris living it up isn't the final nail in the coffin, than this surely is. You think this kid roadtripped to New York just for the big Misshapes NYE bash? "Ugggggh, I'm so sick of this fucking town. No one understands me here. I need to be where the cool people are, the people who love the same music as me. Wow, look at all these pictures! This is exactly where I need to be. Fuck it, I'm tossing on the T-shirt I paid $55 for on eBay, putting on my chunkiest indie glasses and totally smoking indoors! Then I'm getting my fucking picture taken! That'll show these losers what cool is!" Do you think he was bummed out that he made the trip all the way from Stamford but the only person he could get to take the photo bait was The Other Dude? Leotard Fantastic and Princess Coldstare could probably scrounge up extra cash by posing with people in suburban malls for tips. Just like Santa.

2) The Cobrasnake. Tampon Tuesday photo #8140: The little scrapper's wearing golf gloves, a bike lock, smeared red eyeshadow, glitter and ribbon (oh, that ribbon!) and he's mad at us for looking? That's like Hitler telling us to fuck off for commenting about his moustache (and really, did he commit a greater atrocity?). What do you think is going to happen when you put forth that kind of Grade A effort? Then again, maybe he just wanted to show off the polish job he spent all night chipping ever so perfectly. Either way, we're in love.

1) Misshapes. Dec. 31, 2005 photo #246: We talk a lot of trash on this list, but at least a lot of these people are putting forth something original. Which is why this one makes us particularly sad. He took what was up 'til now the biggest Don't in the history of Don'ts and just parlayed it into an even bigger Don't. You can almost hear his inner monologue as he was waiting for the red light to flicker: "And they said I couldn't out-fucktard Catalano! Now who's the queerest?!"