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• How to cope with asthma? By chain smoking and tattooing the word "breathe" on your wrist. Works for Lohan! [Monsters & Critics]
• Sometimes it pays to be the other woman: Ron Perelman's former mistress Susan Kasen scored $1 million tax-free, a $1 million insurance policy, a $500,000 apartment, a monthly allowance of $5,000 and an annual payment of $50,000. [R&M]
• It's just kind of sad how Halle Berry repeatedly winds up with fuckbots. [Page Six]
• Vince Neil is too "puffy" to belt out a few Motley Crue tunes. [Page Six]
• Oh, did we say "puffy?" We meant that Neil was absolutely unhinged, and not in a rock sort of way. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Dukes of Hazzard and Son of the Mask lead the Razzie nominations, which recognize singularly shitty acheivements in filmmaking. In the Worst Supporting Actress category, Jessica Simpson, nominated for her thighs' role in Dukes, will go head-to-head with Paris Hilton's breathtaking performance in House of Wax. At any rate, it's more fun than the Oscars.