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In today's typically jam-packed episode: Joaquin Phoenix; Ben Affleck; Warren Beatty, Courtney Love, and Ed Begley Jr; Courtney Love; Madonna; Sean Penn, Heath Ledger, Michelle Williams, and Robbie Williams; Elijah Wood and Rainn Wilson; Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver; Maria Shriver; Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal; Maggie Gyllenhaal and Mary-Louise Parker; Kirsten Dunst and Judd Nelson; Meg Ryan, Laura Dern, Tori Spelling, and Max Perlich; Olsen Twins; Minnie Driver; Courteney Cox Arquette, David Schwimmer, John Krasinki, and Jeremy Piven; Jeremy Piven and Marcellas Reynolds; James Cromwell; Katherine Heigl and Kate Walsh; Gabrielle Anwar; William Shatner; John Larroquette; Luke Perry; Diana Ross; Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter; Robert Sean Leonard; Mark-Paul Gosselaar; Pat O'Brien; Crispin Glover; Clea DuVall; Jenna Lewis.


· So we're at the Coldplay concert at the Pond on Tuesday (2/7) with fairly decent floor seats 918th row). My husband asks, "hey, isn't that Joaquin Phoenix?" as this short, kind of frumpy guy walks by and I think, "no, an Oscar nominee could surely afford better seats." Then we saw all sorts of people taking their pictures with him and felt sorry for him. Couldn't he afford better seats up at the front where people pretend not to notice you all while taking surreptitious pictures of you with their cell phones? More importantly, did you ever picture Joaquin Phoenix as a Coldplay fan? Anyway, midway through the show, Coldplay come to the front of the stage to do an acoustic set and announce that they have a special reason for playing the next song. They do the obligatory "Johnny Cash was the best singer/songwriter ever" and "gosh, we loved Walk the Line" and then announce that Joaquin Phoenix is in the audience tonight-and point him out! Poor guy, immediately the entire audience of the Pond turns around and stares at him. Coldplay then does a rendition of "Walk the Line" while Joaquin beats a hasty retreat to whatever VIP section the Pond probably has. Lesson to celebrities: get seats right at the front where people are too "cool" too harass you.

· Yesterday, 02/14, Valentine's Day - 9:35 am, at the Mobil gas station on the corner of Ventura and Coldwater Canyon in Studio City spotted Ben Affleck pumping gas into his Bentley Coupe with a Boston Red Sox license plate frame. (Probably would have recognized the car without him) Totally forgoing all requisite A-list accessories: no sunglasses, no cell phone, no Jen Garner. Pumped his own gas, looked tired but good in a Red Sox sweater made nice with a fanboy who stopped to say hi and drove off north on Coldwater with his window down. Totally drama-free, kinda disappointing. Truth told, I miss J-lo's overdone waxy Ben doll.

· I was at the matinee of "The Cherry Orchard" at the Marc Taper forum and for some reason, the play was really celebrity laden. Ed Begley Jr. was there with a cane although he didn't use it as he went to the bathroom or outside for intermission. Philip Seymour Hoffman was there and dressed in stylish clashing clothing. Warren Beatty was there with 4 kids that looked EXACTLY like Annette Bening, both of the guys from Will & Grace were there (and the Will one walked up to the Jack one and said "I had no IDEA you were here"!) The real shocker was seeing Courtney Love attending alone and looking a HOT MESS. She's slimmed down but still kind of looks like her face is melting off. Her hair is frightening and when she came out of the restroom I overheard a teenage girl say "Oh my god mommy, she looks that bad in person too!" I give her kudos for not attacking anyone.

· courtney love making the frantic dash from the entrance of koi to her waiting suv last night (2/15) as about 15 paparazzi flashed and yelled for her to smile....couldn't tell if the guy shuttling her to the car and trying to cover her face was her date or a bodygaurd but the whole thing was a total scene and it made me think of those two months in college when i was really into Live Through This...and i got sad.

· Spotted Madonna last Sunday 2/5 driving her Masserati down Robertson. My friends and I were driving in the lane right next to her. The queen of music marketing looked GOOD... driving along with a friend with the window open. Couldn't hear any tunes coming from the car, but probably cuz we were blasting our own. Wish we had spotted her sooner so we could have yelled something appropriately worshipful. A friend mentioned she was probably coming from the Kabbalah Center.

· On Friday night at the Marmont... Sean Penn looking appropriate for someone grieving and naurally brooding, Heath and Michelle sans baby, looking FREAKING AMAZING, everyone boozin (you can never REALLY tell if it's club soda, and it's more interesting to think it's a drink). And then my friend SWEARS that Robbie Williams checked out his wang at the urinal. And I believe it.

· at jeff tweedy's outstanding solo show at the henry fonda monday night (02/13)... the upstairs open-air smoking lounge was a festival of otherworldly celeb geekdom. fake-british-accented hobbit elijah wood, spotted talking intensely with a woman. he had the long sideburns, she was the beard... also rainn wilson (dwight from "the office) surrounded by a bevy of babes. he was in dwight glasses and looked more amphibian than ever. later, before the show, he stood in the middle of the place and stared backwards at the crowd, practically begging to be noticed. looked like he'd be more at home at a sci-fi convention.

· I was down at the Santa Monica/Venice beach yesterday with seemingly the rest of LA. Out among the commoners on the busy bike pather were Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger and wife Maria Shriver who pedaled by right by me, looking exactly like a photo opp sans cameras.

· (2/16)Today at lunch at Barney Greengrass, walked in and saw a gaggle of ladies-who-lunch sitting by the window, the most prominent one of all was none other than Skeletor herself, aka Maria Shriver. She actually didn't look as Skeletor-like as I would have pictured, but her face was angular, stern, and covered by HUGE sunglasses.

· Went to an early Valentine's dinner on Friday 2/10 at AOC and spotted Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal as they were leaving. They must have been in the back because we didn't see them before. Actually, I don't think anyone had noticed them because everyone was gawking at them as they walked out (including me and my boyfriend).

· (2/10) Was just noshing at Hugo's, and the place was jammed with names and wanna-be names. Sadly for them, I only
recognized two folks. First, Maggie Gyllenhaal was wandering around the place looking for...Peter? Jake? Who knows. Very cute and looked like a normal well-adjusted grown-up. Then, on the way out, Mary-Louise Parker was on her way in, sporting a ball cap and zip-up hoodie, ready for an intense script meeting, it looked like.

· Valentine's Day... a man-less Kirsten Dunst dining with 2 gal pals at Le Figaro bistro on Vermont....And yesterday, at Drake's on Melrose... saw a very-bearded Judd Nelson returing a big bag of pornos, then shop for sex toys! He spent a long time in the Dildo aisle, but I didn't stick around to see which one he bought. I, of course, was there doing research for school.

· Doing the Valentines thing one day late(2/15) at Pace on Laurel Canyon and unearthed a trove of celebs in the subterranean organic lair: as a starter we got Max Perlich of Drugstore Cowboy fame wearing the hat he always wears (the same one Heather Graham left on the bed in the movie?), for the bountiful main course we spied a tiny, taut, bespectacled and youthful-looking Sheryl Crow, dining with an old frumpy bespectacled blonde woman that turned out to be Laura Dern (wha happened?). They were soon joined by pouty-lipped Chinese baby's momma Meg Ryan for a languorous meal (they outlasted our 90 minute dining experience). The cherry on top of it all was Tori Spelling wearing the cutest face Daddy's money could buy and her fianc e Dean McDermott (I am so jealous of his hair). I am really looking forward to seeing Max Perlich's name in bold.

· Driving on Robertson Bl. near Olympic, I looked in my rear view mirror and was surprised to see the Olsen twins with one of them (not sure which one) driving a brand new black Porche SUV with tinted windows. They were both smoking and kept flicking ashes out the windows. They appear tiny—child-sized, which is strange when you see them in a car.

· On Wednesday Feb. 8, I saw Minnie Driver at LAX. She was walking down the United terminal on her way to the first class lounge to wait for her flight. All alone, wearing a white medium length jacket, tee-type top and jeans, she's a normal sized woman, not one of the tiny actresses you otherwise see. Her hair was pulled back loosely and she was wearing only a little makeup. If it weren't for the fact that my bone marrow melted at her true beauty, she could have been anybody. Anybody who studiously avoids eye contact, that is. Because I had to wait for my delayed flight, I saw her come down and board her plane to JFK at the last possible moment, where she gave the (female) ticket agent a big, gorgeous smile and walked on board.

· I just had lunch at Toast (only a 30 minute wait on a Sunny Saturday) and had two separate "Friends" sightings. Right inside the door was Courteney Cox Arquette with her daughter (so cute!), then moments later David Schwimmer walks out the door with John Krasinski. And of course, Jeremy Piven was there eating outside with a female companion.

· Wednesday @ hipster bite mecca Toast on 3rd, Marcellas Reynolds from Big Brother and The Bold and The Beautiful eating lunch with a woman. Up walks Uchenna and Joyce winners of The Amazing Race. The 3 start lamenting life after reality TV fame and how many times they have had to change their phone #s because "fans" keep finding them out. Apparently Uchenna and Joyce are moving into the Palazzo across from The Grove. Marcellas has a crush on Dave Koz so was trying to decide what to wear to the Grammys. Why do people talk so much about personal stuff in public? Also Jeremy Piven (Ari Gold) hanging outside of Toast but not going inside. He then sat in his car across from Toast, staring inside for 30 minutes on the phone. Was he stood up?

· double sighting @ Beverly Glen & Mulholland Starbucks-one great, one lame: 1) Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys staggered in, waited for the bathroom & then got something to go. He definitely didn't look comfortable being out and about.
2) At about the the same time Jermaine Jackson arrived to hold some sort of meeting with two emaciated early twenties Persian girls in $500 distressed jeans. Perhaps planning a trip to Bahrain to see Michael?

· I saw James Cromwell, who played George on Six Feet Under, at the Century City Mall on Monday, Feb. 13 around lunchtime. He was sitting on a bench, looking confused, just like George did when he was mentally challenged on the show. He had a cool hippy macrame man-bag shoulder-bag.

· 2/14: Katherine Heigl ("Izzie") and Kate Walsh ("Addison"/"Dr. McDreamy's Bitchy Wife") from Grey's Anatomy having dinner on the patio at Girasole in Larchmont. Heigl is as beautiful as you'd imagine, but Kate ROCKED a forest green wrap and looked hotter and younger than her character. How do they do that???

· (2/14) Gabrielle Anwar in a shop today on main street in SM. Smoking hot.

· William Shatner at Aroma Cafe (2/13) in Studio City having brunch. I swear the man looks more and more like a
leprechaun every year. Creepy.

· On 2/12, John Larroquette was holding "Night Court" over the courtyard at the ArcLight. (Sorry, my roommate made me write that.) After our late afternoon showing of "Munich," we were standing in line to prepay for parking when a tall man with silver hair a few people in front of us turned around, said, "What the fuck's the point?" and stalked off to the manned prepay booth with wife unit in tow. Yep, it was Lionel Tribbey himself. I mean, yeah, the line sucked because the other machine was broken, but we were out of there before he even got to the attendant at the other one. You'd think after playing so many lawyers that he'd have better reasoning than that.

· For the second time in a row I saw Dylan McKay, I mean Luke Perry at Lulu s Caf on Beverly (2/12). He s clearly a regular because he entered and left through the back and hugged and kissed just about every waitress there. He was with some scruffy looking dude and was very tan and shorter than I had expected. The weirdest part was that out of all the things one would order at a delicious breakfast place, he was eating hummus!

· Saturday 2/11 Trader Joe's Boys Town...playfully squealing as her shopping cart was rolling away from her threatening to ding West Hollywood BMW's...Ms. Diana Ross (of large hair fame) loading her new red pick up with cut flowers. Shouldn't she have someone to do that for her?

· Last night (2/9) I saw Stella stars Michael Ian Black & Michael Showalter - who were both seemingly still on New York time - at the $200 tables at Commerce Casino.

· Enjoying my mani/pedi at my favorite place in Santa Monica. In walks Mr. Robert Sean Leonard. He requested a specific girl, but when told she was not in, cheerfully asked for a pedi anyway. Such a good actor and still looks pretty much exactly as he did in Dead Poet's...albeit without the wreath.

· Saw Mark-Paul Gosselaar, currently in the show Commander in Chief, at the Echelon Mothballs Criterium (bike race) in Santa Barbara on February 5. He is fast — came in 5th in his race! If you ve never seen a criterium, it is scary stuff a pack of 100 guys riding in a circle as fast as they can. It is impressive he did so well.

· When I walked inside Willams Sonoma in the BH today, who should be walking out? Everyone's favorite mustachioed dirty voicemailer, Pat O'Brien. I can completely imagine him cooking up a sumptuous gourmet meal to impress some young philly he's stalking. He was wearing a suit despite the heat, rocking the Bev Hills agent look. Didn't see what he bought, but I wound up with two cute little egg poachers.

· At 7th & Fig Saturday night, saw Crispin Glover. He appeared to be exiting Gold's Gym or the adjacent smoothie place, and was wearing all black and listening to an iPod. Only one of our group of four recognized him, but all of us had noticed him because he'd managed to make a somewhat creepy-vibe eye contact with each of us separately in the collective 30 seconds that we saw him. I haven't really seen him in since "Back to the Future," but hey, it's a classic.

· On 1/10, I was shopping with my friend at the DSW shoe store in the Sherman Oaks Galleria. I was browsing the sale racks, and then I look to my left and see Clea DuVall. She was by herself, and looks exaclty like she does on TV (very average looking, nothing special, how did she make it into the movies??). Anyway, I was trying to explain to my friend who she is, but for the life of me, I couldn't come up with any movies she was in!! Then, after thinking really hard for a few minutes, I came up with "The Faculty". Alas, my friend hadn't seen that movie, but she told me: "I wonder how much money she makes from movies, I mean, what is she doing shopping the sale rack at DSW??". Well, she is sort of a semi-celebrity, it's not like she's Nicole Kidman..

· hate to even report this because i don't wish to validate these people as "names," but i guess i have to... last saturday night at the 7pm screening of "capote" at the los feliz 3... reality tv morons' convention: "survivor" hag (and mother of 2) jenna lewis — she of the wedding night vegas hotel sex tape first claimed stolen and put up for sale online, only later to be proven was in fact being sold by her — with that dimwit lifeguard-type dude from "real world" vegas. (not her husband/sex tape partner) perhaps they hooked up during that "E!" channel "kill reality" car wreck? all over each other during the biopic and painfully ironic because i doubt either of them has ever read (or i'll be generous, finished) a book nor could find kansas on a map... at least the reality show trash are not busting out of their caste to try and date actual talent... but seriously, how long does one have to wait to be seen in public after hav ing been exposed for faking a sex tape theft?