Joaquin Phoenix told an elaborate story about yoga last night on the Late Show, wildly acting out a position called "harnessing the hog," which apparently involved his instructor cradling his man-bits with a strap. The punchline: They started dating and are now engaged.

Teens! Some of us hate them. Some of us love them. Some of us make love to them, because we are their co-counselors at Camp Lackawanna for Troubled Youths, celebrating a hard-won color war victory by the light of the curfew break moon. Or because we are the 39-year-old actor Joaquin Phoenix.

Here's the trailer for Spike Jonze's upcoming film Her, starring Joaquin Phoenix as Mr. Lonely Bones, Amy Adams as the perennial cute lady in his life, and Scarlett Johansson as a sexy set of sounds. Is it already making a commentary on modern love and instant gratification and the confluence of technology and emotional attachment? Maybe!

If you ever wanted to watch Joaquin Phoenix fling himself from one side of a room to touch a wall and fling himself back to touch a window, describing how both feel in alternately concrete and abstract terms, over and over and over again, Paul Thomas Anderson's The Master is the movie for you.

After being bumped around for a while due to script and budget issues, Paul Thomas Anderson's highly anticipated drama The Master — his first feature since 2007's There Will Be Blood — finally gets its first teaser trailer.

River Phoenix, the actor that your (much) older sister had a huge crush on in 1993 when he died of a drug-related heart attack, is going to be at the multiplex again next year. Yes, 18 years later, the director of his final movie is finally going to release it.

Though he once said he'd "quit acting," that was all a hoax, and Joaquin Phoenix really hasn't quit acting at all. Also today: the return of the return of musicals, Jessica Lange makes a TV project even more exciting, and Bradley Cooper is seriously miscast.

Yes, the melodrama comedian guy is going a very different route for his next movie. Also today: the mother of all apocalypse yarns is on its way to the big screen, while The Kennedys finds a home on the small.

Time has passed, but Joaquin is back in Dave's interview chair. The clean-shaven star tries to apologize and promote the film that used his last Letterman interview as its backbone, but Dave isn't one to forgive, not for free anyway.

Well, maybe. It seems there's a rumor afoot that the hoax-pulling actor is director Clint Eastwood's top pick to play J. Edgar Hoover's lover in his biopic about the top g-man, which will star DiCaprio. Intriguing! And also, vaguely, ew?

Casey Affleck, the director of I'm Still Here, the "documentary" about Joaquin Phoenix's descent into drug-fueled, hip-hop-wannabe madness, says it was all a "performance." Yes, everything—including the famous appearance on David Letterman—was faked for the movie.

This is just plain odd. Here's a clip from Joaquin Phoenix's I'm Still Here, featuring Phoenix visiting Sean "Diddy" Combs to discuss a record project. Friendly introductory chatter quickly turns to contentious, profanity-filled awkwardness as Combs lectures Phoenix about money.

Here's a trailer for the much head-scratched-about documentary, I'm Still Here, about Joaquin Phoenix's descent into (faux) madness, abandoning his movie career and embarking on a rap career. His brother-in-law Casey Affleck directs and, judging from this, it's dumb.

Casey Affleck's documentary about Joaquin Phoenix going crazy(er) and becoming a rapper is dropping in two months. Will I'm Not Here be the comedy many suspect it to be? Head to a theater near you to find out!

Andy Dick: Something about his penis getting in trouble. Rihanna's about to break her man's umbrella off. Helen Mirren has a lesson for your children about getting drunk and stupid. Megan Fox's freaky thumbs! Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Jamie Tworkowski, the founder of the charity To Write Love on Her Arms, explains that the strange title was inspired by a video that Phoenix directed for the band She Wants Revenge inspired his fund, which is trying to get a $1 million grant for suicide prevention. Then Miley shows up to show Phoenix how to use the internet and he pretends to not know who she or Lady Gaga are. We actually believe this is true and not an act. Then he has to show Liv Tyler how to log into Facebook and she says she doesn't have an account. We also believe this is true. Then they pretend they are friends with Miley. We believe this is false and the old Joaquin would bite of her pinky and smile at the camera with blood dripping down his chin. We miss the old Joaquin.

They weren't necessarily the best, just the most popular. You saw our least popular posts before getting trashed on New Year's Eve. Before you stop caring, here are the 20 most clicked on posts of 2009.

2009 had its fair share of things that didn't go exactly according to plan. F-bombs, dry-humping, real humping, and lots of unforeseen stupidity. Here are the 12 best things that weren't supposed to happen on TV, but luckily, they did.

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad turns 53 today. The richest man on the planet, Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates, is turning 54. Julia Roberts celebrates her 42nd birthday today. Conan sidekick Andy Richter is turning 43. Joaquin Phoenix is 35. Bruce Jenner, the former athlete and current stepdad to the Kardashian clan, is turning 60. The CEO of Pepsi, Indra Nooyi, is turning 54. Singer/songwriter Ben Harper is 40. Actress Lauren Holly is 46. Actor Dennis Franz is turning 65. And former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres turns 35 today.

• Carson Daly has two reasons to get wasted today: It's St. Patrick's Day, of course. Plus he and his girlfriend Siri Pinter are new parents, too. [People]
• Jon Stewart's secret weapon in his rumble with Jim Cramer last week? His brother, Larry Leibowitz, is a senior exec at NYSE Euronext. [P6]
• A judge recalled Lindsay Lohan's arrest warrant yesterday after seeing the proof that she hadn't stopped attending a court-ordered alcohol education class after all. Also: She hasn't checked into rehab again despite reports to the contrary. Not yet, at least. [NYDN, OK!]
• Natasha Richardson was hospitalized yesterday and is now in critical condition after a skiing accident in Montreal. [People]