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Gather 'round, darlings, and come get your midday snack: apple juice, a cookie, and a hearty spoonful of Blue States Lose. It's time for our weekly foray into the inane, where we sort through the galleries of the insane and inane hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night s Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don t have to. After the jump, Joey Arak makes you smell his vintage cowboy boots.

It's the little things that make us happy, and this weekin the wake of Last Night's Party going dark on photos and bloggingthat little thing comes exactly one minute and 20 seconds into the LNP trailer. Sure, the Girls Gone Wild moments are entertaining, and the faux-goth pouring the bottle of vodka while shooting a death stare into the camera has to be Top 5 when it comes to unintentional comedy, but what we're talking about is exactly 80 seconds in. For those two short seconds, when Leotard Fantastic does nothing but adjust his hoodie (and have you ever seen a hoodie adjusted more perfectly?), it's like...magic. And more. It's actually really hard to explain. It's just like, like everything is going to be OK, you know? We just feel safe inside when we see it. Let Papa Fantastic soothe your worries with one flick of a hood. Now, gently, on to the list.

10) The Cobrasnake. Band Battle photo #0050: You know what? It doesn't matter whether you're a freshman at Hunter or a hot shot post-grad working your first real job or a hanger-on who's still "young at heart" or, like, Michael T or somethingyou're still about to feel really really fucking old.

9) The Cobrasnake. Large Selection photo #9668: Seriously, what the fuck is going on in LA? Did Steve Aoki decree that pedophilia is now "in" or something? We want to call these kids' parents and just yell at them until our throats start bleeding. PARENTS, DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR CHILDREN ARE OUT ALL NIGHT LISTENING TO MSTRKRFT REMIXES AND COMMITTING UNFORTUNATE FOLLIES???

8) The Cobrasnake. Cinespace Beer Time photo #9266: It's hilarious when these sorts of things catch on. This month it's arts-and-crafts-chic, kicking off with last week's yarn experiment (DIY knitting is in, dontchaknow), continuing with this week's "free shit I got at the dentist's office" and wrapping up with next week's "I braided this lanyard myself."

7) The Cobrasnake. Paper Mag and Acme photo #0173: This is a confusing one. It's like Eyrwyn the Elf Prince, Aladdin, an obscure member of the '86 Bears and a magical sorceress all met up in Los Angeles and decided to hit the town hard for a week or two. Did they ditch Bill & Ted along the way or something?

6) The Cobrasnake. She Take My Money photo #0381: Yes, we know this is "The Cobrasnake" (uh...in the middle, that is) and that it makes no sense to put a picture of him up here because we could fill the entire list up every week with just shots of him, but this is just horrid. A lot of people ask us how this column got its name. We explained it once a long, long time ago on the website this thing used to appear on, and we'll quote ourselves from back then:

Every week a fresh crop of images of ridiculous-looking hipsters acting in a ridiculous fashion is made available on the Internet. Many of us are familiar with the photo galleries at The Cobrasnake (primarily Los Angeles), Last Night's Party and Misshapes (both in New York). These sites, which aim to make wasted party-going retards look fabulous, are quite possibly the most infuriating thing in the world. But much like a gruesome car wreck or a Paris Hilton home movie, you just can't turn away. Every Friday, we'll steal a little from Vice magazine and post our choices for the Top 10 most ridiculous hipsters, complete with links to the photos and derogatory comments. They'll make you - a young, liberal-leaning urbanite - suddenly hate everything about youth culture, your city and, probably, life. In other words: Blue States Lose.

You see? That is what he makes us feel inside. Also he looks stupid.

5) The Cobrasnake. Paper Mag and Acme photo #0072: This is like a retard holding up the results of his IQ test or a gay dude ordering a cosmo at a bar or a guido wearing a wifebeater to show off his tribal band tattoo. It's like, dude, we get it, do you really need to prove it to us?

4) Misshapes. Feb. 25, 2006 photo #003: Making fun of these Misshapes kids is like forcing a Downey to sit down and try his hand at Calculus. Sure there's a cheap laugh in it for everyone, but ultimately, what's the point? If this guy genuinely thinks his Native American-inspired, ironic-white-trash-metal-dude ensemble makes him look cool or something, we don't think that's funnywe just think that's sad. This is probably just a cry for help, not a "daring Downtown look" or whatever Blender magazine or Virgin Mobile marketing executives would call it.

3) Misshapes. Feb. 25, 2006 photo #004: When asked for comment, Danzig responded, "Fuck, man, I did that shit for all those years, crammed myself into that piece-of-shit van going from town to town just to get bottles thrown at my head night after night, and after all that, I couldn't even get the hot one or the Leotard guy? I mean, The Other Dude? Cruel Destiny, was it all for naught?"

2) Misshapes. Feb. 25, 2006 photo #005: You knew that if she finally found something to deflect her Coldstare, it had to be a piece of equipment so fabulous and fucking stupid that the only way she could have possibly discovered it was during a weekend spent antiquing with her pirate grandmother.

1) Misshapes. Feb. 25, 2006 photo #052: Look, we'll be the first ones to admit that Misshapes had a good run, but it's a sorry state of affairs nowadays over in the West Village. Who the fuck still goes there other than the same 20 friends of the promoters (we're looking at you, suit guy) and a rotating cast of 19-year-olds who spend all week putting an "edgy" outfit together and practicing facial expressions they saw in The Filth and the Fury into the mirror? When historians look back on the glory days of Misshapes (in the future historians will have asymmentrical haircuts and be averse to sleeves) they will see that the Madonna appearance was the moment when it all finally jumped the shark. We feel like our dog has cancer, and we finally realize it's just time to let the poor thing go. So take one final twirl in the spotlight, Geordan Nichol, you've earned it. Friend.