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Forbes milks its Billionaire List publicity with billionaire horoscopes, built from commentary by professional astrologists. (Yes, this is how Forbes spends its budget.) Their lead: lots of rich folks were born under the sign of the virgin. (All right, who else predicted that?)

In any case, forget all the heirs and royalty — here's the Valley edition of billionaire horoscopes.

Aries: Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO — Aggressive? Ahahaha, aha, ha...yes.
Virgo: Larry Ellison (pictured), Oracle founder — Analytical. Sure, he constantly analyzes the length of his yacht.
Scorpio: Bill Gates, Microsoft founder — The seductive sign. Oh dear.
Pisces: Steve Jobs — "Responders, not initiators." And suddenly, Apple fans lose all faith in astrology.

Ellison's got the juiciest horoscope: "Something potentially scandalous is looming ahead. There will be a lot of tap dancing to cover up a problem brewing in the back room." Does astrological bullshit count as defamation?

Billionaire Horoscopes [Forbes]