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• Because a Mexican orphan is the best image makeover money can buy, Jessica Simpson is considering adoption. Next, she'll fuck Brad Pitt and swap vials of blood with Kofi Annan. [AP]
• In crazy heiress news that spans across the ages, 26-year-old Casey Johnson is accusing her aunt, Libet Johnson, 55, of sleeping with 38-year-old talent manager John Dee, who Casey claims is her boyfriend. Dee denies any relationship with Casey, but the rift between the Johnson women will not mend — not without a threesome, anyhow. [Page Six]
• After two years of sobriety, James Gandolfini is back to hitting the bottle. When adequately sauced, he can be seen licking young ladies' faces. [Gatecrasher]
• Nicolette Sheridan isn't doing any favors for Michael Bolton in the bedroom. [Scoop]
• True to form, rapper Busta Rhymes informs us all that he "fucking hates faggots." If that's the case, we'd love to know why he was seen in a diner full of trannies. [Page Six]
• Someone please, please tar and feather Sharon Stone. [Lowdown]
• Rosie O'Donnell reads Gawker Stalker — and shockingly, she's not fearing for her life. [Fox411]