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Why are the children smiling? Because it's time again for our Friday fuckwit funfest, Blue States Lose. You know the drill: We sort through the galleries of the developmentally disabled hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak shows you his spirit fingers.

What gives with Last Night's Party imitating American Apparel's ad campaign (Exhibit A, Exhibit B)? Mockery, uninspired work, or just fishing for a gig? While we ponder, we'll point out that this week, LNP and The Cobrasnake took their sideshow to Miami for the Winter Music Conference. You would think that a slew of photos of speedo and bikini-clad South Beachian Adonises would follow, but worry not: it's the same exact people that are always in these photos (Steve Aoki mouth vagina included). They're like a wolf pack, traveling together, decimating an area and then moving on. And we're left with is the boring scraps, when all we want is a taste of something new. Or something. Oh, who the fuck knows or cares, let's just make fun of some stupid looking hipsters.

10) The Cobrasnake. Monday Miami FL photo #2495: We came across a dozen or so photos this week of people beating the new "tie a bandana around your neck" trend to death, but none of them were remarkable enough to post in this space. None, that is, except for the dude who was like, "Fuck that, I'm going out and buying the longest damn bandana this side of Chico." It's like the dude who walked into a Williamsburg apartment party in the summer of '04 wearing an oversized novelty trucker hat. At first you're like, "Heh, that's kinda funny," but then you're like, "You spent real money on that?"

9) The Cobrasnake. Misshape Not NYC photo #1888: See what happens when you wear white after labor day? You stick out like a smile at Misshapes. At least he's trying to compensate with the cold stare, but dude, there's no way you're winding up crashing that threesome.

8) The Cobrasnake. Fabolous Miami photo #1345: This is terrifying. This is a fucking nightmare. When we go to sleep at night this will be the last image burned into our brains, and when we wake up in the morning it will be the first thought that surges into our consciouness. There is no escaping it. Thousands will look at this horror and wonder, "Wait, why did she go with zebra print?"

7) Last Night's Party. Nylon Thing photo #4911: "I'm telling you, I'll be committed to the French Revolution look until the day I die, but sacre bleu!, those culottes just don't breathe. Yo, where my Pac Sun shorts at?"

6) Last Night's Party. Miami Vs. NYC (Pt. 2) photo #3991: This is actually a photo op set up by the Silverake Board of Tourism. For $4, tourists who want the "authentic feel of the neighborhood" can hop into a bed between Steve Aoki and a chick in American Apparel shorts and cowboy boots and take a polaroid. Look how excited our little Ohioian is! Her friends are going to be so jealous!

5) Last Night's Party. Nylon Thing photo #4427: This one's tricky, because he's making an effort to appeal to red state sensibilities. However, while his dedication to the use of Stila all-over shimmer combined with a dramatic palette of MAC's highly-pigmented eyeshadow to create head-cocked strung-out creepy eyes is surely genuine, we suspect his fervent dedication to motor sports is but a stylistic sartorial decision rather than actual fandom. We hate being lied to.

4) Last Night's Party. Miami Vs. NYC (Pt. 2) photo #3719: We see three possible meanings of this photograph: (1) Leotard Fantastic is actually having a good time (as he is not wont to do, ever). (2) Leotard Fantastic is repulsed that he's standing next to someone who makes him look like a fat-ass in comparison, and he's trying to get away before photographic evidence can be recorded (phew, that's more like it). (3) Leotard Fantastic is getting a surprise visit from the Ghost of Partying Future, who has been sent back in time to warn LF about the dangers of "the life." That is, he was supposed to warn him about those dangers, but once he got in the club and had a few drinks and the lights were going and the music was pumping and the people were just having such a good time he had to get out there and just, like, DANCE, you know? LAY THE FUCK OFF!

3) Last Night's Party. Revolver Soho Miami photo #1258: OK, for real, it's come to the point where androgynous fuckheads are wearing hoodies made out of doily? We have no clue what the world is coming to, but we do know that our grandmother's dining room table has just booked an 8-page spread in Nylon. Something about it being the style icon of the year?

2) Last Night's Party. Revolver Soho Miami photo #1298: Fuck the bullshit, we're just going to be honest here. So there's this dude, right? And he's wearing this fucking insane green, yellow, red and black sweater with the names of Hershey's variety pack candy bars on it, OK? And then he's wearing more gold chains than 1988 LL Cool J, but less than 1986 Mr. T. And he mayjust maybe wearing a Malcolm X hat, which of course matches his wildin' out sweater. Oh yeah, and there's something really weird about his body. It's like his head has been spun around 180 degrees, so that we're looking at his face and his back. And that's the God's honest truth.

1) The Cobrasnake. Misshape Not NYC photo #1843: Holy shit! The dude's like, "Check it out, motherfuckers, I scoured the back of my dad's closet and scored this totally awesome 80's Newport tennis tournament giveaway," and then other dude's like, "Yeah? I fucking looted the wardrobe closet from Coming to America and served 10-15 because of it, but now I'm out and it was worth it because I'm fucking Fab. U. Lous. Oh, sorry, were you saying something?"