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For most people, Friday means 9-5 laziness followed by binge drinking. For us, Friday means Blue States Lose, where we sort through the galleries of beautifully retarded hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak sprinkles his fairy dust.

Good tidings, friends. Here's your list!

10) Last Night's Party. La Capitale photo #6331: "Oh my, pardon me if I seem a bit startled! It's just that I was putting on my face with my manservant Doratio when I heard the door crack open! Oh, I just can't wait for the ball. What's that about my shirt?"

9) The Cobrasnake. April Fool Hot Lava photo #4513: Why, goddamnit, why? We've asked it a million times, but why the fuck are dudes like this wearing headbands? There is no feasible explanation. Could this in any way seem more out of place? It's like when dad tries to freestyle some rap verses to show that he's down with "what the kids are into nowadays." We propose a yes/no headband test. before putting yours on in the morning, take a long look in the mirror and just ask yourself a simple question: "Am I part of the Pistons starting five?"

8) Misshapes. April 1, 2008 photo #008: If you thought hair metal was due for its ironic comeback (The Darkness, Diamond Nights, etc.), consider yourself served. Hipster culture is gunning straight for Axl Rose, and it's not letting go until we're all drunk and air-guitaring the solo from "November Rain" next to One-half Nelson at a Greenpoint "white party." Look at this fucking golden god. Look at his wind-swept hair. Look at his immaculate wifebeater. Look at his bandana, worn in it's actual intended place. Wait, aren't these supposed to be the Don'ts? Uh...

7) Misshapes. April 1, 2008 photo #: Remember in Rules of Attraction when you were totally shocked by the character that James van der Beek was playing? It was just impossible to think of Dawson that wayas a privileged, drug takin', chick slayin' party boy. We always wondered what would've happened to the character if the movie followed him a few years down the road, after he had graduated from college and moved to New York. But seeing as how it was just a little work of fiction, guess we'll never know how the Beek turned out. Nope, guess we'll never know. We'll never, ever know...

6) The Cobrasnake. Members Only photo #3318: Even though we did the whole tattoo thing a little while back, we just can't help ourselves. You know, when a dude gets a tattoo of a teardrop under his eye, it means he has killed someone, and the tattoo serves as a painful reminder of the life he took. And when a girl gets some dopey high school poetry held up by purple winged horses tattooed on her chest, it means, uh...that she has a liberal arts degree and well-to-do parents?

5) Last Night's Party. Ben Sherman photo #5265: OK, check it out. There are two thoughts you can derive from this photo. (1) Danny Masterson is the fucking funniest dude ever, getting flown out to DJ in New York and deciding to "play" a "New York" "DJ" by tossing on a blazer over a Clap Your Hands Say Yeah T-shirt and seeing if anyone catches on to his gag. But you know what? We're going to assume that Danny Masterson isn't that clever, which leads us to thought #2: that Danny Masterson is the biggest fucking douchey tool on the face of the Earth.

4) Misshapes. April 1, 2008 photo #117: This chode is the ultimate intersection of absolute fantasticawesomeness and acute retardation. There he is following the Misshapes masses by wrapping that terrorist chic scarf around his neck, full well knowing that he's just being another follower (yup). Then he was like, "Hmm, how can I counter that?" Oh, we know, how about basically launching an entire new trend, shunning the tired fashion patch in favor ofwell, let's not spoil it. Put it this way: the only way this dude could get better was if every time he ejaculated he yelled, "Monopoly, bitch!"

3) Last Night's Party. La Capitale photo #6580: How do you know when you've seen it all? How the fuck should we know? Our eyes were gouged out by some jock strap metal spikes and the dude won't stop whapping us in the ass cheeks with his tinfoil sword.

2) Misshapes. April 1, 2006 photo #018: "Fashion is not something that exists in clothes only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening. Fashion is architecture: it is a matter of proportions. Fashion is made to become unfashionable. Those who create are rare; those who cannot are numerous. Therefore, the latter are stronger. Some people think luxury is the opposite of poverty. It is not. It is the opposite of vulgarity. Style is a gayeah, I fucking know it's not coming in right. God, just leave me the fuck alone!"

1) Last Night's Party. La Capitale photo #6316: For the first time in the tournament's fabulous history, the World Championships of Ivory Skinned Foppish Dandery ended in a dead heat. There were some tense moments, as Sebastian von Honeywater was deducted a tenth from his Fey rating because of his "imposing skull motif" (judges' words, not ours), but he made up for it in both eyebrow grooming and cheekbone concavity. Congrats to both Sebastian and Simone Le Beauregard!