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Just in time for the resurrection, our personal messiah Joey Arak emerges from his tomb to bring us the latest installment of Blue States Lose. For your sins, he'll sort through the galleries of Sparks-addled hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, the greasy people make the Easter bunny cry.

A quick commentary. What's up with Last Night's Party lately? Is it just us, or are his staged "sexy" photos looking like straight-up snuff nowadays? This girl looks like she's been bound to a chair in a basement for the past four years while being forced to act out perverted Girl Scout fantasies, and we're pretty sure that at least two of these girls were found chopped up in suitcases floating in the East River. It's really getting kind of gross, so, uh ... enjoy the list!

10) Last Night's Party. Kangol photo #90177: Becca was a child of the '70s in spirit, and it was always her dream to see everything in rainbow-vision. What's that she's staring at? In reality it's just the lights on the ceiling, but in her mind it's four unicorns running a train on her and Carlos D. Gee Willikers!

9) Misshapes. April 8, 2006 photo #020: Back in 1984, scientists said it could never be done. After all, a man had never carried a child before, let alone the child of a fictional character that didn't even exist yet. But in the end, true love conquered all, and David Byrne was finally able to carry Christian Bale-as-Patrick Bateman's son. Flash forward 22 years, and the confused lad is torn between his desire to hang out downtown and his need to do ab crunches while watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Guess which won?

8) Misshapes. April 8, 2006 photo #064: This photo represents perhaps the most important cultural moment in Misshapes' briefish history. Check it out, the Twin Towers have finally crossed the line over into kitschy irony! God, haven't you heard? 9/11 is so the new cowboy boot.

7) Misshapes. April 8, 2006 photo #191: Look at him. That face, a forced combination of depression, despair and a kid just being lost in the big city. Those eyes, with the over-dramatic eyeshadow only a member of My Chemical Romance or Good Charlotte could inspire. And, oh, the clothes. Now, we were never what you would call high school bullies or anything (too chubby), but look at this dude and ask yourself if you've ever wanted to give someone a titty twister more in your entire life.

6) Misshapes. April 8, 2006 photo #010: "Why hello there, I didn't see you come in. Me? Oh, I've just been listening to Morrissey and snorting cocaine for the past 19 hours while gently fingering the knot in my tie in order to look effortlessly dapper. Why, does it show?"

5) Misshapes. April 8, 2006 photo #199: When looking at this Misshapes photo, it's good to remember these Good Charlotte lyrics, from a song entitled "The Young and the Hopeless": "These critics and these trust fund kids / try to tell me what punk is / but when I see them on the street they got nothing to say." Well, it's a good thing these dudes are always hanging out at Misshapes, where in lieu of trust funds, the kids' parents just wire the cash directly into their checking accounts. Phew, that could have been embarassing!

4) Last Night's Party. Maga Trash photo #5907:

Me: No dude! My brain is mush. I forget the alphabet and I'm not even sure what my name is anymore.

Little Green Alien I Keep Clipped to My Jacket: Motherfucker, if you quit acid now, you're just going to sober up, look in the mirror and realize what you've down to yourself. Now, I've always been there for you and I ain't going anywhere. So let's just fucking get some more paint on that jacket, write some nonsense on your hand, take a chunk out of that moustache and ride this rollercoaster to wherever it takes us, dig? Theeeeeeere we go.

3) Last Night's Party. Smash it Up photo #8373: Here's a picture of a girl eating whipped cream out of someone's asshole.

2) The Cobrasnake. Boys Nite Outside photo #7760: It's Good Friday, and this jewel of a specimen has served up the perfect reminder. Remember: Jesus died for that ironic moustache. No, really, he took one look at it and was like, "Darrrrrrrrrrrling, your moustache is absolutely killing me!" Man. Dude gets two appletinis in him and suddenly he's Mr. Touchy Feely Horndog.

1) Last Night's Party. Mega Trash photo #7963: You know what's so awesome about this photo? The flash hits the ground in such a way that you can see droplets of misdirected piss shimmering in the light. God, hipster nightlife is so fucking sexy. Let's just hope she's still on her parents' health insurance, because that's going to be an expensive gyno visit.