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• More on the mysterious, disturbing birth of Suri Cruise: the baby was born at St. John's hospital in Santa Monica, and the family left just 12 hours later with a slew of decoy cars. Tom shut up Katie with a nice shot of the good stuff (an "epidermal shot," it's reported); the star is allegedly being asked to now hand over videos of the birth to Scientology elders, who will watch the footage over a nice tin of JiffyPop. [NYP]
• Jessica Simpson pulls out of a Vanity Fair cover story because the mag stipulated that she must talk about her breakup with Nick Lachey. Stupid girl — if she'd just do like Aniston and cry a little while wearing nothing but a men's white shirt, she could come out of this looking so much better. [Gatecrasher]
• Angry about not reaching Aiken-levels of pseudo-fame, American Idol runner-up Bo Bice lashes out at former New York Giant Glenn Parker. [Page Six]
• Marcia Cross drinks from $155 wine glasses. Out of necessity, of course. [Scoop (2nd item)]
• And the award for the most uncomfortable item of the year goes to Rush & Molloy, who pass along the insight that Bill Maher is "explosive" in bed. Shudder. [R&M]