We regret to inform you that we've been unable to locate video of Tom Cruise on yesterday's Live with Regis and the Other Chick, when he apparently replied quite seriously to Regis' question about his tendency to do a lot of running in his films by claiming that he was timed movie-sprinting at a cheetah-like 17 mph. Instead, we humbly offer this substitute Regis clip of Ving Rhames explaining how a chance meeting at a urinal and an unexpected hug from Cruise led to his Mission: Impossible gig. Trust us, this video needs no further comedic embellishment.
· Some pranksters from the website OffTopic.com have hired planes to fly banners reading "Hail Xenu LOL <8 OT" and "The baby is Xenu's" over tonight's Chinese Theater premiere of M:i:III. Mass amateur photography of this stunt is heartily encouraged, so get your cameraphones ready between 6 and 7:30 pm if you're in the neighborhood. [HailXenu.net]
· Cruise's claim that he bought his own sonogram machine to pretend to monitor Katie Holmes' fake pregnancy has led a California assemblyman to introduce legislation to prevent potentially dangerous copycat purchases. Thank God we have the government to protect our citizens from the reckless and medically irresponsible actions of baby-obsessed movie stars who believe that most illnesses can be cured by some quality time in a sauna. [E! Online]