Blue States Lose
Mess up your hair and put on your vintage sweatband, because it's time to pay homage to the sweaty, fucked-up hipsters you've come to know and love with Blue States Lose. As always, we go spelunking through the photos at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you won't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak bathes in a tub of Sparks.
No Misshapes photos this week, but with Motherfucker going down last Sunday, there was plenty of material floating around. Hope you enjoy!
10) The Cobrasnake. Bus Driver Juice Box photo #7258: Do you think that when Geico takes him out for a nice dinner to make amends, he gets the roast duck with the mango salsa, or he doesn't have much of an appetite?
9) Last Night's Party. Transexual photo #1307: For some godforsaken reason, we can't look at this and not think of MC Skat Cat from the "Opposites Attract" video. Is that a "funny" "joke"? Not really. Does that even make sense? Probably only marginally (the gas mask, for one, leads to some extra questions). But MC Skat Cat is what we see, and MC Skat Cat is what we're fucking going with.
8) Last Night's Party. Transexual photo #1523: A lot of people ask us why we keep making fun of Madden Twin #2, and the short answer is that we probably won't ever again. Because if Danny Masterson is going to take his displaced-'70s-porn-star shtick to the limit and break it off week-in and week-out, shit, man...then who gives a flying fakacht about some squinty-faced felch monger? Hyde is almost showing happy trail for chrissakes!
7) Last Night's Party. Ruff Club photo #8913: All the NYU-bound kids reading this in Saskafuck or Shitamore can learn about 20,000 lessons from the young lady in this photo. She's not the focal point, and it's not clear if she even knows she's being photographed, but she has still managed to perfect the hands-on-hip disaffected downtrodden lookaway bang-cover combo. Kids, if you start reading the Shaw Promotion weekly email blast and eat your Wheaties every day, one day this model of hipster perfection could be you. Start doing coke, too. That's always a safe bet.
6) Last Night's Party. Ruff Club photo #9159: This is the backup plan for when Blackface Jesus wakes up, realizes he only has a pinch of facepaint left, looks in the mirror and asks himself, "Well, what can I do to maintain my unnecessary and senseless attempts at being offensive?"
5) The Cobrasnake. Mystical Miami photo #1093: Is there any situation where Steve Aoki doesn't look like a douchebag? Is there any other person in the world where someone could say, "Here's a picture of X getting out of a taxi cab," and you automatically know high comedy is about to ensue? His existence is more perplexing than the popularity of Fat Baby. And don't get us started on when he gets behind the decks. That's like handing a '20s silent film comedian a whipped-cream pie.
4) Last Night's Party. Mother's Rebirth photo #0539: Jesus Christ, what a stupid fucking haircut. The colors, the misalignment ... yeesh. There is no possible way you can look worse than this. Nope, there is not one thing that you can possibly do to yourself to look more stupid. We swear this. Dear Universe: If you can think of one other way that someone could look more ridiculous than Shitty Multicolored Haircut Girl, speak now or forever hold your peace.
3) Last Night's Party. Ruff Club photo #8868: In the past few weeks, it's no secret that we've been completely neglecting Leotard Fantastic in favor of The Other Dude. Actually, our exact words were, "Goddamnit Other Dude, you are bringing straight fucking fire!" Now, look at this sad face and tell us LF isn't dissapointed. "Have you forgotten?" he asks, "Have you forgotten about my Pat Benatar-welped-a-foppish-mod haircut? My boyish innocence? My forced stare of isolation? My hatred of sleeves? Have you forgotten who made you? Because. I. Fucking. Haven't."
2) The Cobrasnake. Sandy Candy photo #7788: "God, I know. It takes so much out of me. Shop, gallery opening, party. Shop, gallery opening, party. Shop, gallery opening, party. Just once I'd like to have some free time, you know? To go see a Giant Drag or The Like show or something. Just kick back and chillax and whatever. Shit is hard."
2a) Last Night's Party. Transexual photo #1623: We're tossing this in as a bonus because it's so not safe for work that most people won'tand shouldn'tclick on it, but here's a related question: When Mike Nouveau said in the Village Voice's sober hipsters feature that one of the reasons he doesn't drink is because drinking leads to his female friends ending up naked on Last Night's Party, did they cut out the part in the middle where he said "on the floor 18 inches away from where I just dropped a gigantic San Loco deuce"?
1) Last Night's Party. Mother's Rebirth photo #0863: There's always a complicated mix of emotions when you come across someone you haven't seen in a long time, someone you had an intense personal relationship with, but someone who dropped out of sight for a while with nary a reason or phone call. That's what we're feeling right now, but we think the experience might be different for you. We think you might be too busy laughing your dick off at the retard in the Brett Somers glasses to fully grasp what the return of One-half Nelson means to Blue States Lose.