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• Despite her sharply protruding breastplate, Keira Knightley is not anorexic. She's not eating, per se, but that's a minor detail. Just because you drink water and eat iceberg lettuce until your thighs are as thin as your finger does not mean you're anorexic. Now go focus on Kate Bosworth or something. [People]
• Not even the Gays will shell out $800 to see Barbra Streisand emote; promoters face losing some astronomical amount like $15 million. If Jersey ever reopens, look for for Babs at the Borgata. [Page Six]
• 5WPR — yes, the house of Ronn [sic] Torrossian — tries to steal Britney Spears away from Leslie Sloane Zelnik, who's been getting a little lazy on managing the gum-snapping wonder. Don't try to digest this one: only Torrossian can understand why someone would want the Spears account. [Lowdown]
• Don't you dare think Star Jones drives a Honda. [TMZ]
• Kathy Hilton mistakes Bryant Gumbel for Al Reynolds. Write your own "they all look the same" joke here. Bonus point for insinuating Gumbel's a switch-hitter. [Page Six]
• Meg Ryan takes her fake lips and fake Maddox to Chappaquiddick. [R&M]